"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

let me see...

"Know your enemy, know yourself; know their weaknesses, know yours. This way you will not be endangered, even in a hundred battles." -- The Art of War, Sun Tsu

what should i talk about?

should i talk about where i'm staying? should i share that ever since a little more than a year ago, i've lived across some kitchen? should i go on by saying that i've seen cockroaches and rats in that kitchen, and that fortunately those creatures haven't invaded our room yet? or should i say instead that my roommate and i are somewhat unfortunate because there are people (who frequent the kitchen and the nearby dining room) who can't seem to control their irritating noise level everytime they go yakkity-yak-yak-yak? it's quite amazing that all this time i, who's always near boiling point, haven't really complained about it straight to their faces. guess, i've learned how to be really considerate after all...or did i really? wishful thinking!

should i talk about the snake? when i went out this morning, there was some sort of commotion at the house's entrance lobby and the houseparent told me that a snake's been found in the hall. whoa! that explained why the male personnel were jabbing poles on the wall. a small, slimy-looking, green snake came slithering but its death was immediate. the poles crushed its tiny head. no more snake! but you know what i think? there could be more snakes...and that disturbs me. what if it's really just one of the few? and what if there's a bigger version of it? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... are caterpillars safe from snakes? i hope so.

should i talk about getting sick only on weekends? that's what's been happening to me. during the past two saturdays i got terribly sick, i had no choice but to befriend my bed, blanket, and pillows. heck, getting up was a struggle, i kept getting dizzy and my headaches were too much so i opted to sleep instead of being up and about. and my illness? i don't know. it must be some flu or colds that somehow don't disturb nor turn me into an invalid during the weekdays. weird luck!

should i talk about an injustice done to me? there is this class picture taken during my senior year in high school. i don't know who took that picture, and that's a good thing...because that person just cut me out!!! whether it was done deliberately or not, it doesn't matter. i got cut out, and that's that. i was there, seated at the front albeit on the side, but the photo only shows my sock-and-shoe-covered feet!!! should i shout hooray because at least my feet got included in the pic? maybe... there are other COMPLETE class photos taken of our class during that day, but i'm not consoled by that fact. i got cut in one, and, even though my feet look nice in that photo, i still think i should have filed charges (but then...that's just me being so juvenile! hahaha!).

btw, i realized just recently that... my mind is old, but my senses are young... and that realization deserves a separate blog entry! (*winks*)

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

un año

there's no truth in this, only puzzles. there are puzzles.

i'm wide awake, but i can't see. i cannot see.

i know, but i don't understand. i do not understand.

i get the feeling, but it lacks meaning. it has no meaning.

it's just a memory. it's merely a memory.

this is not about someone close to me. this is not like the previous post. un año. one year. that's what this is about.

"525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear.  525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? in daylights. in sunsets. in midnights. in cups of coffee.  in inches. in miles. in laughter. in strife...  in 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man? in truths that she learned or in times that he cried.  in bridges he burned, or the way that she died."  -- Seasons of Love,  from the musical Rent

by the way, here is an icon i made for myself using the illustration maker at http://abi-station.com

whoa... maybe i should have bangs like those.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

random rants

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual" --Phyllis Diller

there's a book fair nearby, there's a jeans sale... and i'm still waiting for money to come. this is it! life!

i want to go to the book fair, but as my roommate would say, "if you wanna be depressed, you go there..." well, she's so right. if i go there, my senses would be feasting on the books i'd see... if i go there, i might find at least one book i'll really like... if i go there, i still wouldn't be able to buy whatever book i'll really fancy. i need to save if i don't wanna starve. my roommate is right (do i really have to repeat that?): if i go to the fair, i'd only end up spelling frustration and depression in big capital letters.

suddenly, i feel so broke... (*deep sigh*)

========== --- ==========

uncle sam is a bully and a terrorist in police uniform. and why should we care so much about what those U.S. warfreaks think of the philippines?*** it's their stupid war, which speaks a lot about them, too. they've been treating us like sh*t with their subtle and not-so-subtle ways. this country's president is their puppet, and just because the puppet suddenly seemingly have an artificial intelligence, now they're going to think we've backtracked on the fight against terrorism. we are still against terrorism, it's just that they are arrogant freaks and their definition of terrorism is not universal (let me add, their definition of terrorists does not include themselves...what a crap). in the first place, this country shouldn't have joined the coalition of the willing and sent the troops there. humanitarian mission, daw...lokohan tayo some other day! that one life they're talking about means the world to at least eight more filipinos, and saving that life is part of this country's threads of sanity. right now, preserving our sanity is far more important than minding their icky pride.

***our country's drowned in debts and they're holding us in the neck? is that why we have to be part of their war until the terms of the treaty end? is this enough reason to simply allow the beheading of a filipino? we are but poor people thrust into the war of rich and arrogant warfreaks.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

last full shows

"When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." -- Albert Einstein

i know my pay's going to be delayed and i should save, but...

last week, i didn't seem to mind how much and on what i was spending. i hit the cinemas thrice and watched three last full shows. i shouldn't be talking about them here, too, since i somehow promised myself that i will not make a blog entry on them but...

spider-man 2's worth writing about...

the lines of people that my cinema buddy, the volcano, and i encountered at megamall last july 3 (that's saturday) were overwhelming. i never thought i would have to join a seemingly endless queue just to get inside the moviehouse in order to see spider-man go swinging through new york's skyscrapers again. but, with endless lines or none, there was no backing out... i was with a birthday celebrant who was equally determined as i to see spider-man 2 that day. and...

queueing for the movie was well-rewarded: the movie was more okay than what i initially thought. the opening sequence was cool, the lines weren't that corny nor mushy, peter parker's at-a-loss-nerd-hero character was endearing (ohmaigulai, i can't believe i said that!), the special effects provided a feast for my senses, and the action scenes really got through me as i even accidentally poked the poor volcano in the eye (hahaha! sorry! i got carried away! *laughs out loud*). at the end of the movie, i was singing "spider-man...spider-man..where are you spider-man?" like silly. as a superhero and sci-fi movie, spider-man 2's an entertainment package with some depth. because of this movie, "raindrops keep falling on my head..." got a whole new picture. and...

there was also kill bill vol. 2, which i watched with cinema buddy a.k.a. got-poked-in-the-eye volcano last wednesday...

i patiently waited for the movie to finally hit the philippine cinemas. i had fun watching kill bill vol. 1 because of all the blood and anime-like action sequences, and i figured watching kill bill vol. 2 would definitely feed my... uhmmm... penchant(?) for gory and sadistic yet stupidly funny movie scenes. like spider-man 2, kill bill vol. 2 didn't disappoint. although there was less blood spillage and "swish swashing" of swords, i kinda like the way the bride's tale of revenge finally unfolded secrets and turned bittersweet. the scenes with the laughing martial arts master pai mei were hilarious and the five-point palm heart exploding technique was a fitting weapon to end bill's life (ooopps...forgive me for revealing that!). kill bill vol. 2, just like kill bill vol. 1, gave a wonderful serving of brutal yet funny scenes. i'd say, tarantino really has his way of making those kinds of scenes appear uniquely and surprisingly entertaining (*gives an evil grin*). uhmmm....

and there was the prince and me, which i watched alone last saturday night.

now, before you raise those eyebrows, hear me. i was disturbed by the thought of spending the weekend stuck in my room (it's a weekend after all!). i wanted to be out but there was no company: the nearest ones couldn't be dragged... roomy's in UP los baños, and cinema buddy feigned "academic dilemma" (i.e. papers). after several sms exchanges (read: failed convincing attempts) with cinema buddy, i went out...and watched the only "seemingly better" movie i haven't watched. and...

here's what i have to say: the movie was okay and i enjoyed watching it, but don't expect much, you could always watch it later (you know what i mean). the prince and me is a feel good movie and it's a modern day butterfly tale. i said butterfly because i didn't see the involvement of fairies, only butterflies (hahaha! corny?). of the scenes of the movie, for me, two sequences stood out the most: the lawnmower race and the proposal. the proposal scene was cute. the prince, in true royal fashion, went down on one of his knees, held out his hand and when he opened it, a lemon yellow butterfly covering a ring was revealed. the butterfly flapped its wings and flew away, and the ring was fully bared. that... was... a nice symbolism. as for the lawnmower race sequence... i liked it because those scenes were pretty rural, and they reminded me of go-carts. besides, i've always liked races. for a review of the movie, visit the little prince's 42. but...

before you do that, let me tell you about the best part of going to the cinema that night..

when i walked out of the moviehouse at almost 12mn (oh no! don't you make my parents worry! i know how to take care of mysef, thank you. anyway, i'm no cinderella :P), i saw 2 good friends from home (read: iligan). seeing them really made me sooooooo glad because i wasn't expecting to see them. in fact, i didn't know they're in manila... it was such a pleasant surprise for the three of us! my...was i happy! I WAS!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

ain't this cool?

take a good look at what we have here. this is what we call an ambigram and i made it myself.

an ambigram is a word or group of words which can be read equally well from at least two different points of view. this particular ambigram can be read the same way when it's rotated by 180 degrees. if you don't believe me, go behind your monitor and look at the image from there (so you'll really see what i mean).

okay, okay...i'll make things easier for you. this is the same image as above, but this time it's rotated by 180 degrees:

nice, huh? anyway, i'm not yet satisfied with this one. i still need to improve the symmetry, and i'm planning to try a different font style.

in the meantime, if my ambigram really got your attention, i suggest you check out this site: http://ambigram.matic.com/ambigram.htm, an online ambigram generator. once you get there, try submitting your name and see how it looks like when written the "ambigram way". have fun!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

me, myself, and i, the caterpillar, went to baguio

for one who's not used to being alone, traveling to baguio for the first time and without a companion's a challenging adventure. last may 29, that's what i did....had an adventure: i went to baguio, alone.

the trip to the bus terminal in cubao was a challenge in itself. it was my first time to go there, and i, of course, didn't know the exact location. anyway, believing that i really could make the first leg of my so-called baguio trip solo, at about 10pm, i rode on a bus from philcoa and simply told the conductor where i wanted to go. fortunately, i arrived at the bus terminal, unscathed...not that i expected to be scathed, hahaha!

at the bus terminal, i thought "so, okay! i'm here. what's the next thing to do?" oh, by now, you do realize that i really didn't make so much plans about the trip, hehehe... i, of course, remembered about getting a ticket but since i was kinda apprehensive to ask around about the how-to's and what-not's in obtaining the bus ticket, i had to communicate with my brother (who's in pasig) via sms just to ask what to do. when his reply came, telling me i should have obtained my ticket a day or two before my trip and that i should buy my ticket ASAP, i knew then that i wouldn't be able to get a bus ride to baguio right away, contrary to what i expected. true enough, when i joined the queue for the tickets, i was told by the person in front of me that the tickets available were for 4am trips already...all trips before that have already been fully-booked...waaaammmaaaa!!! i wanted the 12mn trip! luckily, somebody changed her mind about making her own ride. unfortunately though, her ticket was for 2am. however, i thought taking the 2am ride's better than the 4am trip. so, i bought the lady's ticket and started the waiting game for the 2am bus ride while joining the already long queue for chance passengers (part of me was hoping that i could get an earlier ride, talk about being resilient!)...11:30pm came, then 12mn, then 1:00am...1:30am...nada...nothing happened to my "i-wanna-be-on-an-earlier-than-2am-trip" attempt. all the while i was standing (oh my...imagine a standing caterpillar), along with other wannabe chance passengers (i was patient that time, i ought to be congratulated *winks*), until my own bus came (hence, the test for my patience ended, whew!)...2am trip! yeah!!! i boarded the bus, and after the inspector checked my ticket, i succumbed to sleep. i arrived in baguio city about six hours later...

here are some of the pics that i have of my first baguio trip (i'll improve this entry and add some captions later - whenever, whatever my later means *chuckles*):

pines, pines, rows of pines...

not my mama's garden...

my cousins, raymond and raymart, identical twins. i can tell them apart!

that's raymart on the foreground. raymond tried to be seen.

raymond's the one in my arms. raymart's glued to his dad, my tito ramon.

i'm still holding raymond here and i'm the odd one in this pic. that's my tita yen beside me.

"row, row, row your boat..." at burnham park's man-made lake. i went rowing here after i lost my cellular phone in SM baguio. :P

i am so afraid of dogs. that's why i positioned myself behind (and slightly away from) the st. bernard.

the picture's blurred. period.

Monday, July 05, 2004

101 things i miss

(1) riding a bicycle (2) seeing a rainbow in the sky (3) playing with my pellet guns (4) the sunset (5) not-quite-ripe native guavas (6) slipper game (7) uno tower (8) picking sour, green mangoes from the tree (9) walking in the rain and enjoying it (10) fishing (11) bonfires (12) paklay (13) shouting at the top of my lungs (14) sitting in front of the sea (15) timoga swimming pools (16) crispy, juicy, and delicious lechon (17) weeding (18) dried pusit (19) getting a massage from my sis (20) my paint brush and poster colors (21) my already stolen walkman (22) the sunrise (23) staying overnight at CSM (24) ping pong (25) riding on a banca (26) picking seafoods during lowtide (27) my old SIM (28) billiards (29) my first hotdog pillow (30) joyriding (31) seeing motocross live from the window of my room at home (32) mountain trekking (33) the journey from iligan to cagayan de oro and vice versa (34) my family (35) running after somebody just for the fun of it (36) hide and seek (37) bump cars (38) my childhood (39) mama's garden (40) that restaurant called canton (41) barbecue from barbecue inn (42) caleruega (43) richmonde hotel (44) riding a tartanilla (45) my college barkada (46) videoke (47) banana cue and soya milk (48) midsa (49) going near fishponds (50) ice drops (51) my childhood pics (52) my high school, IDS, and the durantas (53) iligan (54) the physics area of CSM (55) climbing over fences (56) flying kites (57) riding scramble a.k.a the octopus (58) going online from midnight until the break of dawn (59) college (60) carnivals (61) fireworks display (62) that chocolate called tootsie roll (63) my already lost cellular phone (64) bathing in the sea (65) pure honey (66) singing "ako ay pilipino" (67) my 21st birthday (68) ICECS, my elementary school (69) water guns (70) dalipuga falls (71) the sight of ducks (72) riding on a carabao-driven cart (73) eating crabs (74) calamay of bohol (75) decagonal PhP2.00 coins (76) grilling fish (77) playing with deck cards (78) regal shocker (79) swings (80) skipping ropes (81) my mama's cooking (82) rivers and streams (83) care bears (84) the roadtrip to tangub city (85) masareal of cebu (86) my swiss knife (87) kiddie slides (88) going to the market (89) going up and down the stairs at home (90) my best friend (91) shrimps (92) oil pastels (93) bamboo floors (94) forests (95) sungka (96) my logbook of text messages (97) kinilaw (98) sagudsod/piko (99) the sight of rice paddies (100) cable tv and tv marathon (101) myself
all of these i miss...but not in that order.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

finally, a photoblog!

well, not quite...this is just an initial attempt.

========== --- ==========

hey man, this scenery is in kawit, lanao del norte of mindanao island, philippines!

whenever i'm home and we go visiting, we usually pass by this place since it's along the way to my maternal grandparents' house in brgy. rupagan, bacolod, lanao del norte. last april 11 of this year, after the easter get-together-and-lunch at my lolo gary and lola elang's house, we went to this place to wade in the water and get hold of "baby" shrimps and fish (this is one of our clan's ways of bonding *winks*). of course, when i pressed the shutter for this picture, nobody was in front of my lens as my titas and cousins were behind me and were busy cupping their hands for the fry.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

the caterpillar's personality cocktail

i, the caterpillar, went to an online bartender
i gave him my name and asked for my mix
and so, he handed me this:

How to make a caterpillar

5 parts intelligence

3 parts brilliance

3 parts leadership
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy!

"what's this?" i said
"well, that," he said
"is you, your own special mix"
"all treats, no tricks"
and then he left in a wink.

note: i used my real baptismal name (not caterpillar!) in getting this particular recipe. try concocting your own personality cocktail, too. go and do some mixin'!
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