"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

i am not alone

part 1

i spent some time walking around the campus this morning.

no, it was not a walk for pleasure. i had things to do and i opted to walk from one place to the next in the process of getting them done.

so there i was, walking alone, thinking of the things that needed to be done while crossing paths with people who, to me, are nobody but strangers.

four of them really amused me though. why?

...because they were talking to their solitary selves while walking!

seeing them reminded me of one important thing:

indeed, i am not alone.
i am normal.

talking (and smiling or laughing even) to myself, is normal. i just have to watch out though because i might overdo things and end up making people think that i've gone wacko. hahaha!

it is still important to not get too carried away by the conversations going on in my head.

part 2

today, i received a friendster message from a friend whom i haven't been in touch with for quite a long time...

just this week, i chanced upon his friendster account and saw the primary photo he chose: that of a newborn. i knew right away that the baby was his, and got totally excited. oh my...

how time flies!!!

back in 1989, he was the fifth grader who was so great at painting and i was the first grader who was in awe of his artistic talent. well, not just of his artistic talent, but of the artistic talents of the other elder-than-me art students of my art mentor as well. around that time, i was just starting and they were already having their shining moments... they were the poster-making champs and art competition winners and i was the newcomer-slash-observer who had yet to make a mark. they soon went to high school or college, and after that, i rarely saw anyone of them. as a result, i ended up being too shy to come up to them and say "hi" whenever i get to see them.

he became one of those people i was too reluctant to approach because everytime i wanted to, i ended up getting cold feet. the excuse i gave myself was: "oh, you remember them, but they just might no longer recognize you anymore. so why bother?"

fastforward to 2003, he approached me. it was late at night and i was from naomi's graduation bash. while i was standing alone and waiting for a ride to take me home, somebody casually said,

"di ba, ikaw si (insert my name here)?
(you're ..., right?)"

having been slightly intoxicated and since the area was quite dim despite the street lights, i got startled; i even got more startled when i recognized that it was him. of all days, of all nights to be talking again to an old friend? bakit kung kelan medyo may tama ako? so, i merely replied,

"uh...oo (yup)."

him: kaila pa ba ka nako? (do you still know me?)
me: oo noh. (yup, sure.) ikaw si kuya... (you are kuya...)

and i mentioned his name to convince him that i, indeed, still know him.

him: aw. congrats diay ha. grabe, graduate na jud ka. gamay pa man kaayo ka sa una (oh. congratulations, by the way. wow, you've already graduated. you were so small then.) how time flies.
me: oh, thanks. ikaw gani...og gamay lang man japun ko hangtod karon, hahaha (you, too, were small... and i'm still small). how time flies jud (indeed). ay, sorry, here comes the jeep, i have to go. see you around.
him: welcome. ayo-ayo (take care).

fastforward to 2004, we got friendster connected...

...and today, through friendster, he told me about his dream of putting up an art school for children someday and asked if i am still inclined to visual arts.

i still am, and his own dream reminded me of one vague goal i have in mind ever since i was in college: to put up a non-profit community recreation area with the help of my friends.

how time flies, indeed... and i still keep on dreaming.

but then... i am not alone.


  1. yes. we are never alone. and as comforting as that may sound, it can also be frightening sometimes. think about it: how do you know if you're still within the boundaries for being "normal". but then it shouldn't really matter, right?

    originally posted on 01.20.05 - 11:37 am using Haloscan comment board

  2. hehehe. i still talk to myself a lot...hehehehehe.

    originally posted on 01.20.05 - 12:08 pm using Haloscan comment board

  3. a N o n Y m O u s and sealdi, we have that in common.. maybe that's why we get along. hehehe.

    originally posted on 01.20.05 - 12:22 pm using Haloscan comment board

  4. true. sometimes, we may think that we are alone, but we never are. i do talk and laugh with my solitary self often. hehehe

    kinsa nang old friend? does he sing?

    originally posted on 01.20.05 - 6:19 pm using Haloscan comment board

  5. BabyPink, yes he sings! he went to philippine high school for the arts. kaila mo? hehehe.

    originally posted on 01.20.05 - 6:41 pm using Haloscan comment board

  6. nay, dili man diay siguro mao. akong kaila manggud kay ids product sad. hehehe

    originally posted on 01.21.05 - 1:44 pm using Haloscan comment board


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