"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

hello world!

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."
--Dale Carnegie

i am not okay. i don't feel okay, and there's nothing you can do about it. something's wrong with me and something's wrong with the world. a lot of things are. no. don't play smart, don't tell me everything's gonna be okay. i don't need that. i really don't. i know that tomorrow i'm bound to change my mind. maybe not. right now, i don't care. i'm down. i'm tired. i'm good as dead. maybe my soul has left me. i'm a dead person walking. in times like this, i just wanna be home. there, i wouldn't have to pretend i'm okay even when i'm not. then, i could just curl in bed and go to sleep without tears flowing out. there, i don't have to stifle my sobs, because i won't be crying anyway. if only i could plaster a smile on my face or fill my surroundings with my own laughter without betraying what i truly feel. life's not like that. not now. i feel bad. sad. whatever. my eyes hurt, my mind's nowhere, my heart's heavy and i haven't even started crying yet. i've already forgotten how it is to cry when somebody else sees or hears you crying, and i have no wish to remember... but my eyes hurt. depression just kicked in again. i don't even quite understand. not the start. certainly not the end. no. i'm not gonna drag my family nor my friends into this, not even best friend. that means, even if anyone will ask, i wouldn't be sharing anything except what you already know.

this is between me and the world. i will venture into the battlezone alone. i'll be back soon.


  1. it's that time of the year... i won't say everything's gonna be fine because things aren't going to be unless you decide to let them... i know what you're going through. hindi ka nag-iisa sa pakikipaglabang ito. pero bawat isa sa atin ay solo flight ang ka-drama-han...

    *if mag-comment gani kas ako blog, kindly use sad my blogger comment board, i.e. "Oceanic Views".:)

  2. please email me or better still IM me on:

    markishappy@gmail.com (MSN)
    marksince1971 (AIM)

    You've read my blog and you know what i've been going through. Although i too feel like dealing with things on my own and not 'bothering' other people when i'm depressed, it DOES help to talk. You're a great person, and i will do all i can to help you.

    you will get through it, but it will be easier if you let the people who care about you help. allowing them to do that for you will make them happy too

    take care, and please contact me soon. i'm worried about you...

    originally posted on 02.17.05 - 2:04 am using Haloscan comment board

  3. i hope it's still a good morning. we do not know each other personally kaya di ko alam ang level ng suffering (?) mo. im in a shit ditch. magulo utak ko din ngayon. if it helps, di ka nag-iisa. kanya-kanya lang tayong level.
    just as i told my friend who is experiencing the same, it's just a process that we need to undergo, that we need to take. after this, ok na. "one last cries" ang theme song ko dito. hehehe!
    i know of a passage in the bible that says, "all this shall pass."
    hey, go out! it's time for you to smell the flowers.

    originally posted on 02.17.05 - 9:10 am using Haloscan comment board

  4. inuman na lang tayo val, pero nakakadecide na ako eh na coffee na lang (occasions na lang ang beer eh, unless you'll declare and occasion) =)

    originally posted on 02.23.05 - 2:30 am using Haloscan comment board


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