"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Sunday, May 01, 2005

from my pen and paper to cyberspace

i said out loud you're no longer the one i long for, but my emotions don't say so. everytime a picture of you floats before my closed eyes, i am fighting a battle against myself -- part of me lets go of your memory, part of me holds on. it's something i have to live with right now. i don't like fighting against myself because it leaves me drained, but with the way i feel for you, i have no choice.

but i have to move on. i can't go on like this. i can't be waiting for you the whole time. i can't continue fighting back tears everytime i see you standing right before me and regret the day i unintentionally drove you away. this is crazy because everytime you're there, i feel a stab of pain and nobody else knows that i'm fighting for something i have no right to win. your heart won't be mine and i'm not gonna go begging for it because if love chooses us, then it comes, and it'll be us. until then...

too bad, you didn't welcome me when i walked in. maybe you got so used to watching me from afar that you failed to see, maybe you didn't know, and maybe i dreamed and hoped too much.

now that i'm walking out, maybe you don't see, maybe you still don't know, maybe you refuse to... and that's too bad, too.


-- a consequence of the first heartbreak, 04-05-2003

10 comments:

  1. alay ko sa iyo, isang kanta mula sa smokey mountain:
    "Nakakalito ang mundo
    Kung sino'ng mahal mo
    Siyang ayaw sa iyo
    Huwag sanang masayang
    Itong damdamin kong
    Laan sa iyo..."
    -Kahit Habang Buhay

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  2. hahahha...kabalo pud diay ka mainlab day! abi ko ba cynical ka pareho nako..:)

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  3. di ba, hopeless romantic passing off as a cynic ko? or you didn't know?

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  4. awww.... ang gugmang gibati ko hehehe

    dali inum na lang ta nila shawty hehehe

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  5. hehehe. that was two years ago. i already got over it.

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  6. i need a crash course on 'bisaya.' i lost contact of my visayan friends kaya di ko na napapraktis ang bisaya ko. ang tanda ko na lang ay "kanus a makauli?" at "unsa?" tsaka "ginihigugma ko ikaw." sana tama lahat. pero somehow, naiintindihan ko yung flow.

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  7. dili ko ka-post sa imong tagboard (ug sa similar tagboards, kanang same host sa imo ba). every time i try to post, mag-ingon lang siya ug "cookies deactivated?" unsa-on man ni nako? tsk, tsk, tsk!:(

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  8. grabe daghan jud nagcomment kulit sa imong poem da...bravisima...dili diay ka cynic parehas nako...bwweheheheh...keep it up!:)

    haniko

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  9. wahahaha! it's an excerpt of a long letter which i didn't bother to send.

    after two years... nahimo na siyang poem? kahadlok.

    hahaha!

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