"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Friday, February 24, 2006


"Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles
and not the tears that roll."

--Author Unknown

after almost 24 hours of nonstop labwork, i found myself badly wanting and needing sleep. who wouldn't?

i spent the night and met the new day working alone inside the confines of a dark room made darker by black curtains. it was already past 6 o'clock in the morning when i finally emerged from the shadows, quite sleepy although still far from being drained... (and to think) i started working at 10 o'clock in the morning the day before. oh yeah, i'm an energizer bunny.

the morning wind that greeted me when i finally stepped back into the world of the living was cold. if not for the jacket i had with me, i would have ended shivering. my way back to the comforts of my dorm room and my bed seemed quite long. thank God for ikot jeeps, i didn't have to take a long walk and scare myself silly going through several seemingly deserted blocks where dogs were most likely to meet me...

i carefully made my way down the jeepney when it got to my stop -- i didn't want to have another premature sky-diving experience. i then walked towards the dorm where my bed awaited me. then lo! i saw my name on the board! ding di ding...

my sleepiness scurried away in a jiffy when i realized why. whoa, whoa.

i got mail!!! it's from my former roommate! it's a postcard! a postcard with an amusing cartoon on it! AND it's really for me!!!

the note on the card said:

to val, hands down a wonderful roommate and a wonderful window to view the world from.
(she's funny, to boot!) i'm a fan Ü

weeeeeeew!!! what a way to end and start a day!! wengki, how am i ever going to thank you? you made my day! a postcard from los baños? hahaha, pleasant surprise!

i brought my new treasure of a postcard with me and took it to my room. after changing my clothes, i fell asleep feeling light-hearted and with a smile on my face. a good friend has made it a point to really brighten me up. very, very nice!

when i woke up, i found out that the 'president' had declared a state of national emergency. bummer is an understatement. i want to scalp some @#$%*!

simple poster, interesting pun
just one of the many in UP

p.s. back in 1972...
NOW, THEREFORE, I, FERDINAND E. MARCOS, President of the Philippines, by virtue of the powers vested upon me by Article VII, Section 10, Paragraph ('2) of the Constitution, do hereby place the entire Philippines as defined in Article I, Section 1 of the Constitution under martial law and, in my capacity as their commander-in-chief, do hereby command the armed forces of the Philippines, to maintain law and order throughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress all forms of lawless violence as well as any act of insurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience to all the laws and decrees, orders and regulations promulgated by me personally or upon my direction.

NOW, THEREFORE, I Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, President of the Republic of the Philippines and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, by virtue of the powers vested upon me by Section 18, Article 7 of the Philippine Constitution which states that: “ The President…whenever it becomes necessary,…may call out (the) armed forces to prevent or suppress…rebellion…, “ and in my capacity as their Commander-in-Chief, do hereby command the Armed Forces of the Philippines, to maintain law and order throughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress all forms of lawless violence as well any act of insurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience to all the laws and to all decrees, orders and regulations promulgated by me personally or upon my direction; and as provided in Section 17, Article 12 of the Constitution do hereby declare a State of National Emergency.

wtf?! isn't it a declaration of martial law under a different name and number? the word insult is not enough to describe it.

he is right. bastusan na!

gud lak na lang sa ako and sa akong blog...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

love knows no gender

"Sometimes, I miss you so much I can hardly stand it."
"I wish I knew how to quit you!"

-- lines from the movie, Brokeback Mountain

damaged. beyond repair. my illusions about all cowboys being macho men. demolished. broken.

brokeback mountain did it!

beautiful and painful love story. between two men. cowboys who started out as friends. who eventually ended up as fishing fucking buddies. because they loved each other. because they wanted each other. loved each other more than they loved their kids. wanted each other more than they wanted their wives, if they really wanted them at all.

twenty years of bittersweet 'forbidden' affair. between two cowboys. two grown men. who can't have enough of each other. who never had enough of each other. because life's like that. for them. for people like them.

when one cowboy said 'i wish i knew how to quit you!' to another cowboy in that emotionally-charged way, i just had to blurt out 'awww... shucks'.



1. tresses can be deadly weapons.

one shouldn't flip wet, chemically-treated hair (cinema buddy prefers to use the phrase 'chemically-damaged hair', and i'm only being kind) in public even if that's the example set by too-good-to-be-true shampoo and conditioner tv commercials.

2. i don't like it when the taxi driver gets pissed by the traffic more than i do. selosa jud ko. even in that, dili ko gusto malamangan.

3. women with killer bags should be banned from the malls. when their big bags hit people like me, it's not good at all.

4. kids who run around in malls should not be allowed to get near me or cinema buddy when we are in a hurry. they might run into us or we might accidentally bump into them. either way, we'll have no way of knowing whose lives will more likely be put in peril.

nobody should be running around in malls. period.

5. love knows no gender.

manghinaut na lang jud ko na i don't end up marrying a guy nga lakwi diay jud ang tinuod na tirada. basin mag-share pa lang unya mig kabit, lisod na! (bwahahaha, as if!)

6. watching brokeback mountain was worth my money. impressive artistic shots. nice cast. convincing acting. moving story. AND i didn't find the love-making scenes revolting.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

uh, what day was yesterday?

could it be that the stars in the sky are always shining? could it be that the rainbow is always there in front of your eyes? could it be that the birds are chirping and whistling happily? are there blue skies (i mean the sky) on you? does your smile never grow weary everytime you are alone thinking ... ?
-- part of a friend's e-mail

"valentine's day is over-rated." ooops. you may or may not quote me on that one. my cinema buddy, who happens to be in a relationship, beat me 'to saying that. let me just repeat that...

valentine's day is over-rated. say it isn't so and/or accuse me of just being bitter, we'll surely have a debate.

yesterday was like my birthday, you know. even before my "wake up" alarm could go off, my phone was already sounding off incessantly to alert me of early morning valentine greetings from people who care. throughout the day, valentine messages kept coming in... through my phone, through my emails, through my friendster account, and even through instant messaging. awwww... it feels good to be remembered. i kept track of the number of those who greeted me yesterday and realized that it's at par with the number of those who greeted me on my birthday -- greater than the number of those who took time to greet me on christmas day. he he he. wow!

there's no doubt that i'm loved (and i love, too), but i don't need an over-rated valentine's day to remind me of love...

every day that i wake up to is a shower of love. every night that i fall asleep to is a blanket of love. every hour in between is a reality for love. yeah, yeah, if i don't stop this, i'll end up writing poetry -- which happens to be not the purpose of this post (i'll share poetry some other time).

what i'm driving at are these: why feel the "love" or make other people feel the "love" only on valentine's day? why do people expect you to have a valentine's date? why am i expected to conform to valentine "norms" that make me feel love is more of being commercialized than celebrated?

xxxxxxx: happy valentine's day, val!
me: happy valentine's day, too. who's this?
xxxxxxx: xxxxxxx. i'm here in up. can you be my date later tonight?
me: oh, i see. nope. bz.
xxxxxxx: you should have time for love. it's valentine's day, you should go on a date.
me: nope, i don't date.
xxxxxxx: what if i make you?
me: you can't make me. i'm sure of that.
xxxxxxx: what keeps you busy, by the way?
me: (no reply)

bah. persistence is not always rewarded... not even when it's valentine's day. once i know what i want, i can't be expected to settle for anything else... unless you have the power to make me change my mind, ha ha ha.

to everyone who did not get my valentine's day greetings: if i didn't greet you yesterday, that's more likely because you didn't greet me in the first place. (i only greeted those who greeted me, he he he.) just as well. valentine's day is not a red-letter day on my calendar. i hope you understand. in fact, i hope you see the 14th of february the way i do: just an ordinary day and definitely not like birthdays (unless you're a valentine baby, hehehe).

p.s. i'm such an incurable romantic, i don't really buy the valentine crap. love is sacred and should not be commercialized. you can make me feel giddy on other days... with sweet gestures that have nothing to do with flowers, chocolates, jewelry or dinners in fancy restaurants.

Monday, February 13, 2006

kay bisaya lagi...

"Aspire to inspire before you expire."

nag-get together ming mga bisaya bloggers nga ania sa manila adtong domingo, ika-dose nga adlaw sa pebrero, dos mil sais. wala pa gani mi nagtapok-tapok -- plano pa lang sa kita-kita og uban pa pinaagi sa e-mail og sa text -- bibo na kaayo mi. kung kaniadto sa may edsa shangrila mi nag-abot-abot, this time ang gateway sa cubao na among gihimong balwarte.

kay tungod ako, si sealdz, si jory, si bhevs ug si gail gipangsumhan na (achus! atik lang gud) sa usag-usa, malipayon jud mi nga naa na mi bag-ong recruits sa among panagtigum...

sa gateway, samtang gipaabot namo silang zimm

bisan tuod gibati kaayo namo na AMOA ang gateway, wala mi balak nga magtambaya didto taman sa taman adtong adlawa. igo lang namo gihimo nga assembly area ang gateway, pero ang amoa jud venue sa panagtigum kay sa europe (ayaw na angal!) hehehe.

so, para makaabot mi sa europe, ningsakay mig LRT purple line og from cubao-araneta station gilabyan ra namo ang singapore, kuala lumpur, japan, china, tapos ninaog mi nigeria (hehehe, basin gukdon jud mi ani sa among teachers sa geography bah). adtong naa nami sa nigeria, ninghapit mi sa andok's aron mopalit og sud-an og aron magpahulagway -- kay mga hayok lagi sa camera og dili jud pwede nga dili mi ma-picture-an. tapos, ningsakay mig jeep padulong didto sa gingharian kung asa adunay banner nga naghulat sa among mga kaanyag... (grabe, kaanyag man jud...)

mga bisdak: sa el-ar-ti, sa jeep, sa dalan

pagnaog namo sa jeep, nangita dayon mig green na gate og sa dihang... aduna jud diay banner nga naghulat sa amoa: "welcome bisaya bloggers ato ni bai!" nakataplak didto sa ganghaan sa gingharian nga among giadtuan. o, asa ka?

atubangan sa gate, pasulod, and finally, ang mga gipangpatong-patong na bricks

wowow!!! puro bricks!!! hastang nindota nga lugar!!! who would really think nga sa sta. mesa, manila ra diay mi nangadto? di bah? mura mig naa sa laing lugar... murag mig nakakaplag og portal diretso pa-europe! pagka-nindot!!!

the communication foundation for asia building in the heart of sta. mesa

ang venue sa panagtigum 2006 sa bisdak bloggers kay ang CFA building na made of bricks... bisan asa ka molingi, kita jud kag bricks. grabeh. pila kaha tanan ka bricks nagamit bah? naa pa jud swimming pool. tapos, nindot jud ang lugar: haskang dakoa og perti ka hamugaway. tinuod pa jud ang mga bricks! lugwa gud among mga mata, tagak pa jud among mga jaws. unsaon!

take note, pamilite ra padulong didto og pangkaon lang ang among gigasto. ug nganong naabot mi didto? hehehe... tungod ni father stephen, nga aside sa pagka-pari, bisaya blogger sab og hilabihan jud ang advocacy sa open source. grabe jud pud si padre makaatiman sa amoa: duha jud ka welcome banners iyang gi-prepare para sa amo og naghimo pa jud siyag mga name tags na complete with blogo (blog logo)...

official name tags sa mga bisaya bloggers

kung nindot ang hitsura sa building sa gawas, mas nindot jud sa sulod. bricks here, bricks there, bricks everywhere!!! (hmmmm... nindot maghimo og bisaya bloggers music video didto. tan-awa among pictures, ga-practice nami og pose para sa bisdak MTV. ha ha ha.)

picture-taking galore with the bricks all around us

grabe. nindot jud kaayo among panagtigum bah. gisugdan jud namo sa matarong kay nagmisa jud mi didto sa chapel sa building with father stephen as the priest. tapos, kami ang choir and readers. after sa mass, nisaka mi sa may rooftop and didto nami nagtambaya -- videoke, tabi-tabi, inom-inom wine (tulo ka klase) with dutch cheese, kaon-kaon, katawa-katawa, picture-picture, tan-aw-tan-aw og short foreign art films... at home na at home!

don't you wish you were with us?

p.s. (1) ang mga present sa bisaya bloggers panagtigum 2006 kay si ako, si sealdz, si jory ang official organizer, si bhevs, si gail, si kars, si zimm, si kuya toto, og si father stephen. (2) samtang nagkatigum mi, nag-international call sa amo si miss ayeza, ang founder sa bisaya bloggers, straight from canada. nag-stay up jud siya til 3am (didto sa canada, gabii dinhi sa pinas) para lang maka-storya mi niya. o, asa ka? next time, mag video-patch na, hahaha. of course, global ang bisaya bloggers!!!

kay bisdak gud, hawod jud!

Saturday, February 11, 2006


Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be,
The sweet love story that is older than the sea...?

-- theme from Love Story

last weekend, me and my gal pals from high school were supposed to knockout a bottle of tequila. we thought better and opted for a food trip (with "emotional" sidetrips) and a movie marathon instead.

having set our minds to ignore the liquor stand and the tempting bottles of vodka, we explored the food section and bought black forest ice cream, vegetable salad, fresh milk, french fries, chicken hotdogs, pancit canton, jelly ace, cornicks, potato chips, ridges, cheese rings, marshmallows, grapes, mangoes...

hours later, we got comfortable in front of the tv set, munching whatever we could grab and blabbing whatever we could blab about as we waited for the stories of the "old" movies to unfold...

we started our movie marathon with reality bites (1994) -- a trip down memory lane with winona ryder, ethan hawke, ben stiller and the "so-90's" soundtrack. we giggled when we heard my sharona (this song just brings a lot of very funny high school memories), listened closely to tempted, went "awwww... naks" with baby, i love your way, and sang with lisa loeb during the end credits because of stay.

we were supposed to watch before sunrise (1995) and before sunset (2004), too, but i did not bring my "before movies" boxset (sue me!). thus, what could have been a movie marathon of ethan hawke starrers didn't happen. instead, we went further back to the past with walt disney's the little mermaid (1989).

What would I give to live where you are?
What would I pay to stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you smiling at me?

we wondered how we got giddy over prince eric and ariel's love story back then. with the likes of nemo and corpse bride already around, the little mermaid animation looks too old now... but the soundtrack is still something.

Under the sea, under the sea... darlin' it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me... Up on the shore they work all day, out in the sun they slave away while we devote full time to floating under the sea...

we slept for awhile after the first cd and when we woke up, we popped in the second cd and got to see sebastian the crustacean again, singing...

Sha la la la la la, don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl...

awwww... just kiss the girl! kiss the girl, quick! the little mermaid. so girly. so girly. hehehe.

hoy, where's the milk?

while having a very tummy-filling breakfast, we went further back to the past and had love story (1970). love means never having to say you're sorry. awwww... senti. in between trying to really catch the lines said by oliver the preppy and his jenny, we paid attention to the "nostalgia-inducing" musical score as it played several times during the movie -- hearts could either fly or die with a score like that -- no wonder it won an oscar.

then, there was annie (1982) -- the movie that came out in the same year we were born, ha ha ha...

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love yah, tomorrow...
You're always a day away...

annie's "tomorrow" must be the official theme song of those who are prone to procrastinate.

note: just in case you're wondering, this good weekend with the beautiful and "ang b-baby" gal pals ended with my feeling the pain.


because i'm a tag victim...

the tag says:
The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again.

the target: male human being

the 8 points:

:: has to be cool and crazy... (most of the time, that is); has to be tolerant of occasional stupidity and eccentricity.

:: has to meet the "IQ prerequisite". if he exceeds it, the better. (it would definitely be better if he does not suffer from "IQ-EQ mismatch", hehehe). smart. witty. intelligent slash cerebral slash geeky WITH CONSCIENCE AND A HEART. in other words, level-headed.

:: faithful. to me. to his ideals. to me. to me. to me. hehehe.

:: adventurous and fun-loving.

:: loving and sweet and... what else? nah, not someone who will be breathing down my neck 24/7.

:: master communicator. verbal and non-verbal communication skills have to be more than satisfactory.

:: spiritually healthy.

:: has to be someone who looks pleasing to my eyes; has to have nice eyes, nice smile, and a body to die for. FYI, i have a very unreliable eyesight, hahaha. that means, if someone gets a point for having good looks, it really doesn't mean much... so duh.

p.s. you're all tagged. yes, i know i'm not really following instructions.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

my friends' reactions

say hello to my bruised left knee.
(i'd be lying if i were to tell you it doesn't hurt.)

i wrote:
sunday na sunday and naa koy disgrasya story... waaaaaaaaaaaah... nahulog ko sa IKOT jeep. naka-full stop ang IKOT, and panaog nako... i don't know what happened nganong instead na motamak ko sa ang-ang (step) panaog, nahulog ko diretso sa dalan --- think of diving on the street with my logbook and clearbook and bag. sakit kaayo akong lawas, naa koy upat ka abrasions na grabe jud tawon pagkagasgas kay nagdugo jud sila. for a moment, i thought i was gonna faint kay galisod kog ginhawa. tapos, syempre, gihulat ko sa driver and sa mga tawo (there must have been at least four of them in the jeep) so i voiced out to them na okay na ko. OKAY SA AKONG PAHAK, i could hardly hear my own voice coz i was out of breath and nalipong jud ko sa kasakit, pero i was determined to cross the street, and naka-cross jud ko...whew. tapos, it took awhile before nawala akong kalipong og sakit sa lawas (wala ra napakog akong ulo ba). at the moment of writing (2:30pm), about 5-10 minutes after the incident (ulawa oi, pero kiber mas importante yata huna-hunaon nga nasamdan ko), hapdos lang japun akong medyo lalom na mga garas sa right palm, left arm, and toes sa right foot. waaahhh... mura na sab kog nabiktima sa stampede sa nahitabo. anyway, okay ra ko. mopalit sa kog betadine kay mahadlok ko magka-impeksyon.

the reactions of my friends to this account show how crazy, cool, and thoughtful they are...

From: ilian...
Date: Feb 5, 2006 7:15 PM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

naay nakakita nimo?! dapat nidagan ka. ulaw kaayo!!! hehehe... seriously, ok na ka? wala ra ba naigo imong ulo?

From: seal...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 6:48 AM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

val, at least pag mahibalan namo na nahimo naka ug isa ka mad scientist, makabalo nami kung unsay hinungdan. hehehehehe. in any case, pag pa-check-up oi. ug val, feeling nako nag-black out ka kay kung madumduman nimo ang ingon ni pj... basin kulang ka sa sugar. hehehehe.

From: zeus...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 8:06 AM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

reading this makes me remember the SPVM 2002 accident (you had) in Cebu. ok ra na val. just keep your chin up! :-)

From: stick...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 9:18 AM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

maybe its just old age creeping in. but then again, it may be that one of the passengers was once your student. and then stabbed you at the back without you realizing it. ^_^

From: njay...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 9:42 AM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

bang! ug unsay imong nakaon why ka nahulog? unsaon sad ka oi... ni tumbling na lang unta ka dayon ingnon nimo sila na "kaya niyo yun?" wahehehe....

From: hanik...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 10:02 AM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

kulit luoya pud nimo oi... okay lang man kaha ka? naa lang koy nabantayan na pag 23 sumthin sumthin na gani ta... mugawas na jud ang atong pagka"clumsy"... sorry ha... :P karelate man gud ko nimo... anyway, ayo ayo... God bless...:)

From: ducot...
Date: Feb 6, 2006 11:49 AM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

Ayos na Val, pero wala man nay challenge! Next time, try ug step derecho sa dalan (skipping the jeep's "ang-ang"), and do that while gadagan ang jeep... As for now, I'd just say, may your wounds heal soon... :p

From: benj...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 1:24 PM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

For small people take small steps at a time. No rush. I wish i were there to catch your fall and hear you sing help me im falling back again. heheh. Ingat always.

From: jerms...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 2:07 PM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

Oist, you should have your head checked. No, seriously basin naa kay concussion. Val, pag-inom daghan vitamins. Basin symptoms na sa mental lapses? Maybe should get more time to take some rest and give your mind a rest from all the stress around you. Don't multitask too much, I've been having problems with memory too, even thinking of a Friday as a Saturday and entered MSU IIT in shorts. Maayo na lang gani wala ko gi-sita sa guard (na shock siguro to nga nakadare ko ug sulod sa IIT nga gashorts). Anyway, gi-recommend ko... to take more Vitamins A, C and E and small Selenium supplements. Val, pag-ayo-ayo jug dinha.

From: hanik...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 2:27PM
Subject: [id...] PUTIK: ...MY ACCIDENT

ei val---! daghana ug gamahal nimo oi...:) pag-vitamins jud... actually dili man nato malikayan ning stress... pero kelangan gihapon nato ampingan atong mga kaugalingon...

From: ducot...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 4:28 PM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

Aguy noy! I smell something fishy... weeeewwwww.... hhhmmmmm... :)

From: bords...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 4:51 PM
Subject: [p6...] my accident

kaluoy pud nimo valentina.. dalaga na ra ba kaayo ka sa mga pics.. maayo na kaayo ka magpahiyom..... hehehe mawala ra ng sakit pag mag-inom ka ug redhorse.. hehehe. pahabol..... si ducot nagselos... ooooooooyyy... nagselos.... bwahahaha!

From: randz...
Date: Feb 7, 2006 5:00 PM

hoy kumusta na ka? nahulog na sab ka? ikaw na jud. ayaw kabalaka, magkinaunsa man gani val, we'll be around... TO LAUGH WITH YOU. hehe

see? see? my friends are crazy, cool, and thoughtful. well, most of the time, they're just cool and crazy. that's why they're my friends. their being thoughtful is a major bonus. mwehehe.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

feeling the pain

catch me i'm falling... falling fast again. why do i always take a fall...?

i'm in pain. everything seems to hurt. nah. it's not what you think. this is not about falling in love and getting hurt. i'm sorry.

i fell off the jeepney. today. one moment i was just about to go down some step, the next moment my body hit the street so hard and my bag and my books got disengaged from my grip.

i don't know exactly why i fell. maybe i got disoriented when i left the seat and headed out of the jeepney. maybe i got a little bit dizzy when my eyeglasses moved and almost slipped down my face. maybe i tripped on the way out. maybe it's a combination of two or of all three. whatever. i fell off the only IKOT ride i had today and that's that.

it was kinda embarrassing. really. see, it was not as if the jeepney was about to speed off while i was going down. the IKOT was completely at rest and i shouldn't have fallen off... especially not in the manner in which i fell off.

what happened to me was like diving into some swimming pool. only, i happened to dive onto the street! with my logbook here. my clearbook there. my bag here. my eyeglasses there. pain everywhere. nestea plunge minus the welcoming water. nestea plunge, falling forward. nestea plunge... onto the street.

ding di ding. it's probably my most embarrassing experience here so far. imagine me and my things sprawled on the street as if we were kicked out of the jeepney. fortunately, not a part of my head hit anything -- my body took the impact. i heard the collective gasps of the remaining passengers and i just wanted the vehicle to leave right away so i pulled myself up and gathered my things together. only, it was too difficult for me to stand up. i spent some moments sitting down and voiced out to my audience (the concerned jeepney driver plus his remaining passengers) that i was okay.

of course, i wasn't okay!!! my voice could hardly be heard, i was out of breath and had difficulty breathing, and i was dizzy. my audience saw through me and the jeepney just wouldn't leave. badly wanting to be out of my seemingly helpless situation, i willed myself to stand up despite all the pain and dizziness. i then mustered the strength to walk across the street, towards our building. only when i was able to cross safely did the jeepney speed away. only when the jeepney sped away did i show the pained and embarrassed expression on my face. only after then did i assess the "damage".

bad scrape and some blood on my left arm. bad scrape and some blood on my palm. bad scrape and some blood on two of the toes of my right foot. geez. blood. geez. dust on my scraped skin. geez. ever. my pride got as wounded as my skin. embarrassing.

i went into the girls' room and cleaned the "damages" with running water. i felt pain, pain, pain, pain. five to ten minutes after the accident happened, i found myself in front of the computer, typing down "my IKOT story of the day" in a mix of bisaya and english and sent it out to two of my e-groups. still not feeling good about what happened, i posted my story in a forums board. i then told myself that "i'm okay" and "everything's all right", after which, i looked for betadine antiseptic and attended to my wounds again.

the accident happened early this afternoon. several hours have passed since then and i'm now convinced that i fooled myself when i said "everything's all right". all right gud tawon; all right sa akong pahak! apart from the abrasions i got, i also got a bruise on my hip and another on my left knee and my body is aching. my upper body hurts when i laugh or when i breathe deeply. napiang man tingali ko. (taym pa, unsa diay english sa piang?)

i can only hope that when i wake up tomorrow, i'll feel better.

sheez. painful. embarrassing. funny. why did i have to dive off some jeepney? maybe i'm being prepared for a would-be-career. maybe i'm going to be an action star. hala.

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