"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Saturday, August 07, 2004

jumbled thoughts of the restless mind

pardon the pun, if there is indeed a pun.

before you get to the rest of this entry, here's a quote:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

hell week. i'm tired. i'm dead, but not quite dead. i'm busy and so is everyone. i know i shouldn't complain, eventhough i may have reasons to do so. maybe i'm just too tired, that's all. i feel like i'm a robot, and still i know i'm a human being and sane. i'm jumbled, but still sane. i need rest and recreation but, currently, time does not seem to permit me. i no longer even get to read the daily paper. i feel like i'm soooooo spent. i feel like i've hit rock bottom, and yet i'm aware i'm not there. maybe i'm just over reacting. yeah, allow me to convince myself: i'm just over reacting. i keep on repeating what i say, d'ya notice that? you do, don't you?

i've dreamt of colored baby snakes for two straight days (or nights), and i don't know what i should think about that.

the other night, i was without a roommate. when i was already in bed and about to sleep after a very long and tiring day, i felt my sock-covered right foot was being tickled. worse, when i jerked my foot, i felt as if i kicked on something (and i'm sure it wasn't the bed tray! hala ka dinha!) although i was afraid, i still had the courage to peer in the dark to check for "that something", and fortunately, i saw nothing beyond what i normally see in my room. still, i ended up really curling under my blanket (pagkabam! gitukaran).

so much is going on in my head. i think i can no longer handle all of them, and yet i'm still handling all of them. no wonder i'm jumbled, too jumbled. i'm currently so tired and i still keep going and going... (ako na jud!)

i don't think going to shrinks will help me, doing that might just complicate matters. besides, i don't have the money to pay them. do i really need a shrink when my friends (you know who you are...bantay lang mo!) are already doing a good job of keeping me afloat? when i die, i'll really pay them all a visit (*hehehe*).

i wanna go home...if only for a while...to rest, not to die. as the saying goes: God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I’m so far behind, I think I’ll never die. now who said that? come on, who said that? anonymous, that's what i know.

i'm penniless. almost. i wouldn't think so much about that though. there are better things to think about. one thing i am sure of is this: my sanity is far more important than my savings account.


  1. ah you may be in luck today. let ILIAN LENDING SERVICES help you. with our 50% interest plan, YOU CAN'T LOSE MORE! try it. hehehe. :D

    originally posted on 08.09.04 - 4:36 pm using Haloscan comment board

  2. hahaha! i said i'm jumbled, but still sane. :D

    originally posted on 08.09.04 - 5:13 pm using Haloscan comment board

  3. hi. =)

    originally posted on 08.11.04 - 1:04 pm using Haloscan comment board

  4. hell, kuya miggs!

    originally posted on 08.11.04 - 3:38 pm using Haloscan comment board

  5. if i had the money, i'd go to a shrink. it'd be wonderful getting all these neuroses off my chest. kaya lang its expensive. ok man gud because you get an unbiased opinion and advice.

    originally posted on 08.11.04 - 8:23 pm using Haloscan comment board

  6. ariane, i could be a shrink for you. i follow freudian discipline and believe that women's problems root from penis envy. hehehe. >

    originally posted on 08.12.04 - 6:01 pm using Haloscan comment board

  7. hey, relax, girl... maybe you need to do more unwinding than you normally do. basin ma-burn out ka like some people i know and that could result to something serious. btw, i'm done with 'the da vinci code'. thank you kaayo. i'll leave it at the lobby counter tomorrow. i don't know your room number eh. chill, girl!

    originally posted on 08.13.04 - 12:06 am using Haloscan comment board

  8. ilian: that's a rather fetching idea, i've been sexually deprived for quite some time. that could be the culprit. hehehe

    originally posted on 08.13.04 - 4:32 pm using Haloscan comment board

  9. aye, babypink! thanks.

    originally posted on 08.14.04 - 6:49 pm using Haloscan comment board

  10. ilian and ariane: now i've got a rhyme. what exactly is penis envy? ohmai... do i really have to ask?

    originally posted on 08.15.04 - 3:01 pm using Haloscan comment board


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