"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Monday, November 29, 2004


because dreaming is free...
because dreaming is for you and me...


as a child, i often looked up to watch the night sky.
the stars a-twinkling up there have always attracted me
and have always kept me thinking of possibilities and of impossibilities.
they fed my imagination and fueled my curiosity...
and i made so many of my wishes upon them,
and hung a thousand and one of my dreams up with them...

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

i admit without shame that until now i still wish upon them.
no, i don't wait for the "falling stars"...
when i look up at the night sky,
i discreetly choose the first star that catches my eye
and wish upon it the first wish that i could think of at that moment,
absurd or not my wish may be...

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

not all of my wishes can come true, i know.
but i've never thought of stopping myself from wishing...
because they keep me going, they keep me hoping...

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

i'll not lose anything if my wishes don't come true,
but i have something to gain if they do come true...
and that's the comforting thought with wishing.

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

sometimes, you get to remember that the songs you heard as a child can do wonders for your (and probably, other's) days. sometimes, too, being a child at heart ain't so bad for the soul.

note: words in italics are lyrics of the song when you wish upon a star from walt disney's pinocchio.


i'd like to have a pair of this...

Sunday, November 28, 2004

measly two cents

sometime ago, somebody actually had the nerve to write me this:

its quite obvious that youre pretending to be smart when in reality youre a nobody pretending ot be somebody since reality cant accomodate a nincompoop like you.

and i didn't stop myself from retorting. my reply went this way:

hmmm... what's quite obvious? that i'm pretending to be smart when in reality i'm a nobody pretending to be somebody since reality can't accommodate a nincompoop like me?

whew! that was quite long, but what do you really know?

false: youre pretending to be smart
i'm not pretending to be smart. whether you like it or not, i'm smart.

true: youre a nobody
you got this right. i am a nobody.

false: youre a nobody pretending ot be somebody since reality cant accomodate a nincompoop like you
i am a nobody and i am being myself. if you're so right and reality can't accommodate a nincompoop like me, then why am i still around? hmmm...

besides, what gives you the guts to call me a nincompoop? geez, you don't even know how to spell accommodate.


p.s. accommodate. a-c-c-o-m-m-o-d-a-t-e. accommodate.

Friday, November 26, 2004

watermelon art

i like 'em juicy, i like 'em sweet, and i like 'em like these...

click here for more!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

quotable quotes

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." -- Ed Cunningham

hmmm...this got me wondering. just how many of the people i encounter everyday really want to know my answer to their how-are-you's? come to think of it. if i tell them i'm okay even if i'm not, most of them seem not to realize and only a few dare question or challenge my answer. it's safe to say those few people are the real ones.

for them who truly care and them who really give a damn: hug me next time, hahaha!


"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -- Galileo Galilei
amen. i dare not question this one. let's leave it at that.


"If you think that praise is due, now's the time to show it 'cause a man can't read his tombstone when he's dead." -- Anonymous
hehehe. that means say what you have to say now...or (to quote that line from the movie, my best friend's wedding) "the moment just passes you by".

this makes sense but... i still have a problem with it. blame my pride. while i don't wanna regret not being able to say the good things that i wanna say to a person while he or she is still alive, i seldom get around to letting the person know.

maybe it's true that i cannot readily give what i do not willingly receive.


"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -- Theodore Roosevelt
in this world, what is required of us is to be the best that we can be. and how do we go about becoming our best? read the quote and live it.

only in making the best out of the situations we are in can we push ourselves to become better, and then, later (probably much, much later) become our best if we really try.


"To be a star: you must shine your own light. Follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for it is when stars shine the brightest."
ever since back then, i've liked stars (those a-twinkling heavenly bodies up there, not them entertainment personalities in the boob tube). i don't exactly know why. perhaps it's because when we draw them, we almost always represent them with the oh-so-cutie look in yellow.

i like yellow... and i like stars. bow.

i know, i know. i didn't actually say anything about the quote. i merely shared my fascination with stars. hehehe...


"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success." -- Anonymous
that is to say... why notice me only now? where were you when i was struggling and needing a push?

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

something worth sharing

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

- Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

this is copied verbatim from one of the e-mails i received today. i don't know if this is really by rick warren because while i do have a copy of the purpose driven life (given to me by a friend), i really haven't read the book yet. nevertheless, i believe that this is something worth sharing (just as the title of this post says *winks*).

Monday, November 15, 2004

my A-Z happy doses

a - anecdotes, adventures, art, affirmation, amusing e-mails and text messages

b - breath-taking sights, being able to inspire other people without really trying, bonfires, beaches, blogging and blog-hopping

c - christmas, cool movies, childhood memories

d - dreaming, daydreaming, december

e - experiencing new things

f - family, friends, face-to-face conversations, funny retorts

g - good reads, get-togethers, geniune appreciation

h - heartwarming notes and letters, hearty laughter, hugs, home

i - ice cream, interactions

j - jokes, jackets, joyrides

k - kind deeds

l - lechon, love, learning, long talks

m - my birthday, moon-watching, mountains, meeting wonderful people

n - nature, nice realizations

o - original ideas

p - pleasant surprises, profound stories, pools

q - quirks, quality time

r - reading

s - skittles, sweet gestures, stargazing/sky-watching, smiling faces, soothing massage, scrapbooks, sunrise, sunset, small-green-sour mangoes

t - tosp, the way he looks and smiles, trips, trekking and spelunking

u - "unearthing" long-forgotten things

v - volunteering

w - wildflowers, wonderful thoughts, writing, weirdness

x - x-factors

y - yellow cab pizza, you-(probably)-know-who, ym conversations and conferences

z - z...zzzz...zzz...

Sunday, November 14, 2004

the little voice

when i woke up this morning, i checked my celphone for new text messages and found only one. still sleepy, i sent a reply and then went back under the covers to sleep but...

the litte voice: oist! oist!
me: shhh... go away.
the little voice: oist! wake up!
me: just go away! let me sleep. puhleez. i'm still sleepy.
the little voice: hey, the sun's already up. wake up! what a lazy kid you are.
me: imp! i'm not lazy. leave me alone! my brain's in such a disarray because of you.

of course, the little voice didn't leave me alone. instead...

the little voice: hahaha! you think you're so cool? you had a grammatical lapse there.
me: goodness! i can't believe i'm having this conversation... you're mental!
the little voice: yeah, i am. so what? you still made a mistake there.
me: be easy on me, will you? stop bugging me with merely thought up grammatical lapse.
the little voice: it's not thought up. you sent "i can't watched..." rememberrrrr?
me: oh, you mean the reply message. no, i did not! you're just desperate to get my attention. now, stop this and let me sleep.
the little voice: our friend's gonna laugh.
me: my friend's not gonna laugh. if indeed i made a mistake there...
the little voice: i told you, you made a mistake there.
me: oh, come on. if indeed you're right, a grammatical lapse IS NO BIG DEAL! get lost! i just wanna sleep.
the little voice: yeah right. fool yourself. it's no big deal, i agree.

what a nagging litte voice! i ended up throwing away the covers to send another text message, somewhat apologetic over something i'm not really sure i did. after that, little voice seemed to have found peace so i was able to go back to sleep and had a second trip to dreamland.

the little voice: hello! wake up now!
me: oh no! stop prancing... you're not supposed to be here. not in my dreams!
the little voice: does it matter? i'm here. what now? wake up!
me: you're really such an imp!
the little voice: whatever! you're an imp yourself! you ought to wake up now. it's already 10:30 in the morning. wake up! wake up!
me: so what if it's already 10:30? it's sunday! go away. stop bugging me!
the little voice: you've been ignoring me all week!
me: ...just doing the right thing, imp.
the little voice: how could you? i gave you all the space you needed. now that i'm back, tsk...
me: what are you? who are you? my schizo self???
the little voice: hahaha, who me? your schizo self? you're mental!
me: now, i'm the one who's mental! know what? now, i think you're my schizo self...
the little voice: funny, if you think that way. i'm loving this. i'm really loving this!
me: that's it! that's it! goodbye! i'm outta here. see? i'm waking up.
the little voice: hey wait! don't leave me here.

and so, i got rid nagging little voice just by waking up. well, that's what i thought... because after hours of her silence...

the little voice: really a slow day, isn't it?
me: oh no! not again!
the little voice: you ought to do some organizing.
me: shut up! i already know that!
the little voice: i really like you when you're pissed off like that. you look so... you? yes, you look soooo you.
me: who says i'm pissed off?! you're such an imp! you ought to be exorcised!
the little voice: hahaha, pikon... but i do mean it. you really should do some organizing today ...and tomorrow, too. tomorrow's a holiday, after all.
me: i said shut up! you're merely stealing my thoughts.
the little voice: be kind to me. i'm actually trying to help.
me: why don't you just go away?!
the little voice: have me excorcised first.
me: duh!
the little voice: see? you can't! what a weakling.
me: you're wrong! i can! and i'm not a weakling. so get lost, get lost!
the little voice: i won't! i can't. i know you'll miss me like you miss the ones before me.
me: what?! what do you mean by that???
the little voice: sssssssshhhhhhh.... look! the moon's so big tonight. it's nice to look at, isn't it? i know it's just a crescent now, but it really looks big. haaaay...

what a little voice!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

recommended read

"I didn't know how badly I felt about this life until then. Now when you look at me so kindly, I know for sure I don't like this life. I just want to do something like crawl with you and nibble grass." -- Yellow

HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS by trina paulus

"this is the tale of a caterpillar who has trouble becoming what he really is. it's like myself - like us... a tale partly about life, partly about revolution and lots about hope for adults and for others (including caterpillars who can read)... a different sort of book for everyone except those who have given up completely (and even they might secretly enjoy it)"

first published in 1972, hope for the flowers is an illustrated book with simple words and yet very profound. it can be read in 5-10 minutes. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

"in character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity."

Saturday, November 06, 2004

some blog-worthy things from my desk...

what a gwapo must be

"strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and a sex expert who's only been with one woman"

hehehe...i got that from somewhere.


the notebook

the movie version of the notebook is disappointing. it is not able to evoke the same emotions the book version does. the actors, except the one who played allie's fiance, didn't give justice to their characters.

just read the book. forget the movie.


me, myself, and i

i love myself because...just because.


fahrenheit 9/11

"we don't need no water, let the motherf***er burn, burn motherf***er burn" ...

hahaha, and you thought my vocabulary isn't that colorful! blame fahrenheit 9/11 for bringing that out of me (again). i watched it (ten thousand years ago?) and i liked the soundtrack.

"keep on rockin' in the free world, keep on rockin' in the free world..."

more than that, i enjoyed watching the film. michael moore's so naughty; fahrenheit 9/11 was enlightening as well as entertaining with a tinge of being disturbing (i really detest hearing about innocent people dying or suffering because of some too f***ed up warmongers who can't even send their own blood to the battlezone). however, moore showed lots of his biases and most of them i chose to tolerate; but not when he showed too much prejudice in introducing the countries comprising the coalition of the willing.

i know what point he was trying to make, but i don't believe it was necessary for him to depict the republic of palau, costa rica, iceland, afghanistan, etc. to be sooooooo backward and primitive (because they're not). it was consuelo de bobothat he spared the philippines (or was it just cut????) from embarrassment there, hehehe. during the coalition of the willing sequence, i braced myself for the moment the philippines would be mentioned; fortunately (read: to my relief), it did not come.

i enjoyed fahrenheit as much as i enjoyed watching the documenatry imelda. don't get me wrong though. the two documentaries are far from similar.

i don't deem fahrenheit to be that good for a documentary, considering moore's obvious biases. however, the clever playfulness put into it and the amount of information (which the television channels don't broadcast but the movie dared to expose) make the presentation worth watching.

i believe dubya gave moore the very advice he needed in order to come up with his version of fahrenheit: "Get some real work". moore did... by keenly following dubya's story. hahaha!

"fool me once...shame...shame on you."

before i forget, the bush-etc.-etc.-blair cowboy/ranger-sequence with ala-marlboro theme background was funny.



this one was overheard by someone in mcdo philcoa:
"Wow! Nice bag! Where did you bought it ba?" (olats!)


get-rich-quickly tip

the Q: can anybody give me some tips on "How to earn your first billion before the age of 25"... i know someone who needs it.

my A: sell your soul ASAP! ...and be a faustus, hahaha!


an interesting read

ever read or heard of the book, FLATLAND: A Romance of Many Dimensions, by EDWIN ABBOT? i think there's a downloadable version of it.

anti-feminist tones aside, it's an interesting read about dimensions (i.e. the lives and interactions of beings with different dimensions and shapes). there, the possibility of a 4th, 5th...nth dimension was mentioned and yet... it was written in 1884(!), waaaaaaaaaaay before albert einstein's heydays.



careless and "lucky" being that i am, i've been involved in lots of accidents (motorcycles, carabao, canals, bicycle, tricycles, swimming pool, ladders, coconut log) and have my own share of "battle scars" and had the associated pains.

i was not yet 5 years old when i experienced my first motorcycle and swimming pool life-threatening mishaps, so my dumbfounded and crying reactions to those two are understandable...but for every accident experienced after those two, i found myself being able to immediately help myself out of the situation, talk (in my signature hyper manner) and laugh heartily even if my mind is going "@#$%! mong tanan! sakit kaayo, katawa pa ra ba jud og apil! na...na...na...."

i guess, i learned to adapt....accident-prone (how about "accident-friendly"?) kasi.

...and most of my accidents were, in one way or another, consequences of (what-else-but) stupidity.


the enemy

my enemy has a name...nostalgia! and i met her the moment i left the comfort zones.


low grades and suicide

formal education is something, but it's not everything. grades are something, but they're not everything... and so on... besides, if you die, nobody in hell or heaven will care if you had 1.0's or 5.0's in your academic subjects.

if you commit suicide, you're just making a confirmation that you, indeed, are a LOSER! plus, you just won't be tarnishing your reputation, but that of your family, especially the ones who reared you (for the majority, parents) as well. THINK!



sometimes you feel so good that when you write about how you feel, the words you use are not enough to capture how good you're feeling.

sometimes you feel soooooo bad, you simply end up not being able to write.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

letting go

and the axe has fallen...

how then can i not cry?!

i am tired of pretending that i'm still strong even in times when i no longer am.


"I hope that someday when we're not roommates anymore and we bump into each other, we can still sing our hearts out and talk about what's in them." -- weng

my roommate for over a year moved out of our room before i could even get back from iligan. the note that awaited me said,

"had to move my things out. will be back real soon and hope to see you then. i will miss you but i know this is not goodbye yet. hope you will also like your new roommate..."

i will miss you but i know this is not goodbye yet. even so, i'm bound to cry. i already did.

two nights ago, her text message informing me that she's traveling to diliman from bicol was followed by another telling me that she's moving out because she has found work in los baños. i didn't realize my tears started falling then...until my shirt got a share of my tears. how can you stop the inevitable from happening, anyway?

now, i look at the other side of the room and it's empty. gone are the many pictures of smiling faces, paul mccartney and the beatles. gone are her books and files on the shelves when it used to be her side of the room that's teeming with those. i could not joke anymore about the models (those smiling faces that used to adorn her wall) being probably dead. most of all, no one's gonna sing me songs like she does. i didn't mind being her victim of lss (last song syndrome) and i got through the weary days singing along with her. waaaaaaaaaaah...wala na akong breathing radio!!!

things will never be the same, i know. even so, life goes on. things were bound to happen this way, anyway. (they just came too soon.)


i am glad you happened. go well, weng... and thank you. see you around. when the time comes, invite me to your wedding. you're right. this isn't goodbye yet. we've got unfinished business: we still haven't gotten around to having our shirts printed and buying our hoodies (*winks*). i'll surely miss singing rent's "would you light my candle?" and heartily laughing about it with you.


oh mai, i'm feeling so alone again.
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