"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Thursday, November 04, 2004

letting go

and the axe has fallen...

how then can i not cry?!

i am tired of pretending that i'm still strong even in times when i no longer am.


"I hope that someday when we're not roommates anymore and we bump into each other, we can still sing our hearts out and talk about what's in them." -- weng

my roommate for over a year moved out of our room before i could even get back from iligan. the note that awaited me said,

"had to move my things out. will be back real soon and hope to see you then. i will miss you but i know this is not goodbye yet. hope you will also like your new roommate..."

i will miss you but i know this is not goodbye yet. even so, i'm bound to cry. i already did.

two nights ago, her text message informing me that she's traveling to diliman from bicol was followed by another telling me that she's moving out because she has found work in los baños. i didn't realize my tears started falling then...until my shirt got a share of my tears. how can you stop the inevitable from happening, anyway?

now, i look at the other side of the room and it's empty. gone are the many pictures of smiling faces, paul mccartney and the beatles. gone are her books and files on the shelves when it used to be her side of the room that's teeming with those. i could not joke anymore about the models (those smiling faces that used to adorn her wall) being probably dead. most of all, no one's gonna sing me songs like she does. i didn't mind being her victim of lss (last song syndrome) and i got through the weary days singing along with her. waaaaaaaaaaah...wala na akong breathing radio!!!

things will never be the same, i know. even so, life goes on. things were bound to happen this way, anyway. (they just came too soon.)


i am glad you happened. go well, weng... and thank you. see you around. when the time comes, invite me to your wedding. you're right. this isn't goodbye yet. we've got unfinished business: we still haven't gotten around to having our shirts printed and buying our hoodies (*winks*). i'll surely miss singing rent's "would you light my candle?" and heartily laughing about it with you.


oh mai, i'm feeling so alone again.


  1. sakto ka. mas okay gyud kung wala na lang ka'y roommate...

    originally posted on 11.05.04 - 4:11 pm using Haloscan comment board

  2. aaww, i know how that feels. cheer up! your new roommate might turn out to be as much fun as your old roommate.

    originally posted on 11.06.04 - 4:09 pm using Haloscan comment board


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