"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

what is this i'm feeling?

i've always thought i'm made of tougher stuff. guess what. i'm not so sure of that anymore -- now that i've found my match. at least, now that i think i've really found my match.

Aasa ka na ang dalangi'y gagabay sa yong damdamin
Ngunit saan ka dadalhin ng hangin at agos?

nostalgia sucks.

could this be brought about by quarter life crisis? or could this be another bout with depression? sheeeeeeeeez, how many more must i endure? double sheeeeeeeeez, i'm tired of holding back my tears and i don't wanna cry anymore... but the emotional being in me is trying to surface again. i think i've cried more in the past two years than i ever did during my first twenty years on this planet.

our dirty kitchen at home | it doesn't look dirty, i know
our dirty kitchen at home | it doesn't look dirty, i know
if only pictures like these were enough to chase away my homesickness...

grrr... and the questions keep haunting me! can't people just stop asking and spare me the agony of saying "i don't know"?

Alam mong bawat pusong nagmamahal
Dumarating sa sangandaan
Ngayong narito ka kailangang magpasya
Aling landas ang susundin ng puso?
Saan ka liligaya, saan mabibigo?
Saan ka tutungo?

what must i do? ma! i wish...

our yard/'mini forest' at home
i wish i was home.

i know... i ought to stop whining. i shouldn't drown the world with my troubles for the problems out there are far greater than whatever ails me...

for now, excuse me. i have to give in -- i'll go and cry my heart out. it's the only easy way i know i have to do to have my strength back.

*words in italics are lyrics of the song sangandaan (words by jose lacaba and set to music by d. achaoso)


  1. val, i haven't seen your yard at home. hehehe. well .... naa ra man gud ta ato sa "sala" (sala ba to siya) ninyo atong nagbuhat ta ug highschool thesis with the others .... anyways, it reminds me of our yard na year by year nagkawala ang mga tanom! hehehe ....

    originally posted on 07.14.05 - 11:07 am using Haloscan comment board

  2. go ahead...cry. crying like laughing, they say, is good for the soul.

    i miss home too.

    originally posted on 07.17.05 - 9:04 pm using Haloscan comment board

  3. trickyboy, if you happened to enter the house using our side entrance, you didn't miss seeing it... maybe you just don't remember anymore... hahaha! i'm proud to say our yard's greener year after year after year...

    edna, thanks.

    originally posted on 07.26.05 - 1:01 am using Haloscan comment board

  4. hmm ... baka nakalimutan ko na! hehehe ... anyways, looking forward for the greenery

    originally posted on 07.26.05 - 4:04 pm using Haloscan comment board

  5. I just read your article and I felt the emotion running your heart. I also find that song sangandaan really heart warming hope you can share the complete lyrics of that song to me. In case my email add is josephallanb@yahoo.com i will be waiting for this, thank you.

    Joseph Allan

  6. Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
    Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!


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