"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Thursday, October 20, 2005

taken, gone

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight.

--Kahlil Gibran

remember this?

somebody ripped it off my wall. i don't know where the big piece is now and i don't wanna go looking for it -- i'm trying to avoid more pain. most likely it's in one of those big trash bins, crumpled and torn. i imagine it must have been carelessly thrown away... in the same manner that it was torn off as indicated by the bits of yellow crepe paper left on the wall.

the one who ripped it off didn't know how much i valued what was taken. if only the person had known, if only i had known beforehand my work's fate... perhaps it could have been saved.

it's beyond saving now.

when i realized it was gone and saw the torn yellow bits stuck on the wall, anger welled up in me and i thought i was going to explode. i did not. the more i looked at the yellow bits, the more i was made aware of my loss and i just wanted to cry. gawa ko 'yon eh, pinaghirapan ko 'yon... tapos... argh! i didn't cry -- i stopped myself from doing so because i didn't want my roommate to see me crying. heck, i can talk about crying but i don't want anyone to see me crying. as i've said, i didn't cry... 'though i wanted to.

i didn't cry but i felt defeated. i only had 1.5 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours and i got back to my room tired... and what was there waiting to greet me?

not warmth but the empty wall.

the absence of a symbol of comfort and something personally valuable and irreplaceable.

another embrace from the feeling of loss.

the latest addition to my piled up frustrations and blues.

finding meme oh!

i got tagged by the trickmeister and in the spirit of friendship and blog-citizenship, i'm gonna do this 23/5 thing...

So, here are the instructions:
1. Go to your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence or closest to it.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

my 23rd post is time travel -- posted last year on the 27th day of august. the 5th sentence of the said post is '5 years ago, i was a college freshie and was finally free from wearing uniforms!' ngeork. if you're game for this, you're IT!


  1. that is so sad. was that because of the sembreak clean up or something? i'm sorry. but i know u'l find means to replace it. i know its irreplacable but you know what i mean. smile! =)

  2. yep. clean ups before never resulted to the removal of wall posters and table top covers unless they're really so tattered and torn and fugly. the ones who did the cleaning this time weren't the same people. therefore...

  3. I imagine you're also from UP? :)
    Nice blog

  4. what the...?! who the...?!

    how totally stooopid cn the new people be?! these are green-uniformed ones, right?! gah, i don't like them! i like our old manangs more!

  5. That's sad. But are they really allowed to just remove anything from the room even if it's a general dorm clean-up?

  6. babypink, i don't like them, too. even before na-murder akong 'work, i didn't like them. they don't seem to love what they do, whereas silang ate and kuya nato before, they're so at home with what they do.

    abaniko, if ever they're allowed to just remove anything, i'm sure dili apil ang basta na lang na pagpanggisi og pagpangkumot og careless na paglangkat.


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