feeling the pain

catch me i'm falling... falling fast again. why do i always take a fall...?

i'm in pain. everything seems to hurt. nah. it's not what you think. this is not about falling in love and getting hurt. i'm sorry.

i fell off the jeepney. today. one moment i was just about to go down some step, the next moment my body hit the street so hard and my bag and my books got disengaged from my grip.

i don't know exactly why i fell. maybe i got disoriented when i left the seat and headed out of the jeepney. maybe i got a little bit dizzy when my eyeglasses moved and almost slipped down my face. maybe i tripped on the way out. maybe it's a combination of two or of all three. whatever. i fell off the only IKOT ride i had today and that's that.

it was kinda embarrassing. really. see, it was not as if the jeepney was about to speed off while i was going down. the IKOT was completely at rest and i shouldn't have fallen off... especially not in the manner in which i fell off.

what happened to me was like diving into some swimming pool. only, i happened to dive onto the street! with my logbook here. my clearbook there. my bag here. my eyeglasses there. pain everywhere. nestea plunge minus the welcoming water. nestea plunge, falling forward. nestea plunge... onto the street.

ding di ding. it's probably my most embarrassing experience here so far. imagine me and my things sprawled on the street as if we were kicked out of the jeepney. fortunately, not a part of my head hit anything -- my body took the impact. i heard the collective gasps of the remaining passengers and i just wanted the vehicle to leave right away so i pulled myself up and gathered my things together. only, it was too difficult for me to stand up. i spent some moments sitting down and voiced out to my audience (the concerned jeepney driver plus his remaining passengers) that i was okay.

of course, i wasn't okay!!! my voice could hardly be heard, i was out of breath and had difficulty breathing, and i was dizzy. my audience saw through me and the jeepney just wouldn't leave. badly wanting to be out of my seemingly helpless situation, i willed myself to stand up despite all the pain and dizziness. i then mustered the strength to walk across the street, towards our building. only when i was able to cross safely did the jeepney speed away. only when the jeepney sped away did i show the pained and embarrassed expression on my face. only after then did i assess the "damage".

bad scrape and some blood on my left arm. bad scrape and some blood on my palm. bad scrape and some blood on two of the toes of my right foot. geez. blood. geez. dust on my scraped skin. geez. ever. my pride got as wounded as my skin. embarrassing.

i went into the girls' room and cleaned the "damages" with running water. i felt pain, pain, pain, pain. five to ten minutes after the accident happened, i found myself in front of the computer, typing down "my IKOT story of the day" in a mix of bisaya and english and sent it out to two of my e-groups. still not feeling good about what happened, i posted my story in a forums board. i then told myself that "i'm okay" and "everything's all right", after which, i looked for betadine antiseptic and attended to my wounds again.

the accident happened early this afternoon. several hours have passed since then and i'm now convinced that i fooled myself when i said "everything's all right". all right gud tawon; all right sa akong pahak! apart from the abrasions i got, i also got a bruise on my hip and another on my left knee and my body is aching. my upper body hurts when i laugh or when i breathe deeply. napiang man tingali ko. (taym pa, unsa diay english sa piang?)

i can only hope that when i wake up tomorrow, i'll feel better.

sheez. painful. embarrassing. funny. why did i have to dive off some jeepney? maybe i'm being prepared for a would-be-career. maybe i'm going to be an action star. hala.