bored and homesick

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

today, i succumbed to boondoggling... again. i got bored and lost the heart to do things that need to be done, so i played with windoze paint. bad?



click pictures to see full versions
geez, heaven help me. i need recharging... badly. i want to go HOME.

home.

home seems to be so far away now... expensive, too. a plane ride to singapore is way, way cheaper compared to any ride that would bring me back to my family and my home. how bad can it be, huh? how bad? add to that, this is the longest time that i've ever been away. i cannot go on deceiving myself that i'm still okay with this because no matter what, i still know that for every moment of happiness that i find here, really being home could make me feel so much more... sooooooooo much more... soooooooooooo much more. (much na, more pa.)

i can be happier there but i'm here. what else can i say, reality bites? yes, reality bites.

p.s. (1) iligan isn't that far from here, is it? (2) happy fiesta, iligan. welcome me back this october. *winks*

hmmm... true colors through colors?

Be proud, to wear the colors that you call your own
Be loud, speak out when you want the world to know
Be strong, hold the flame for everyone to see
Be weak if you want to love.
-- Light and Shade, Fra Lippo Lippi

i took the color quiz and i got the following results:

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Generated by ColorQuiz.Com on Thu Sep 22 07:33:46 2005.

Existing Situation
Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.

Restrained Characteristics
Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve herself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.

Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform.

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are.

Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Actual Problem
Feels restricted and prevented from progressing; seeking a solution which will remove these limitations.

Actual Problem #2
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

==========

1. the existing situation pretty much encapsulates my thrill-seeking nature.
2. the last sentence on stress sources captures my attitude (read: tenacity and assertiveness) and shows how much i value my freewill. it says that i'm "miss don't-you-ever-force-me-to-do-things-that-i-don't-want-to-do-or-you-just-might-see-hell".
3. lo! i have a lot of restrained characteristics. i'm not surprised at all.
4. the desired objective explains my emaciated state. eww, emaciated...what a word.
5. and 6. something's gotta give.

ten thousand strokes

Life beats down and crushes the soul
and art reminds you that you have one.
--Stella Adler

my sketch pad has been with me for over a year but except for a single, faint pencil mark, it's empty. i wasn't able to put anything substantial in it until a little more than an hour ago...

yehooooo! my sketch pad is empty no more!!!


the lone sketch pad entry
it took me about an hour to finish this 9" by 12" piece, which is loosely based on a picture i took while a dewar was being filled with liquid nitrogen. the "clouds" represent what's readily seen when liquid nitrogen gets in contact with the surrounding air and evaporates -- a creeping fog.

i'm not quite satisfied with how the trunk turned out because it has too much black in the wrong places but i like the way i managed the greens. using oil pastels, i experimented with short, heavy strokes to represent the leaves -- the process was quick and the over-all effect was better than i expected.

the picture of the artwork is a li'l bit blurred... resolution was compromised by the cellphone cam. argh.

everybody cut footloose!

let's hit the ceiling

and then let's tear up this town

tonight we're gonna cut loose, footloose

kick off your sunday shoes...

it was fun watching jay-r, the "prince of RnB", and iya villania, the "crush ng bayan", perform live together on stage. it was fun listening to good music and going back to the '80s even just for a couple of hours. it was fun being entertained by a talented ensemble. it was fun to see seamless transitions on stage. it was fun sitting on a comfy chair beside friends who make me see glimpses of home...

it was especially fun because our $$$ tickets were free, weeeeeeeeee!

him and her

A woman should soften but not weaken a man.
--Sigmund Freud

they must have been in their thirties, they must have been husband and wife. while i was watching them, i felt i was watching a soap opera on tv...

she looked deadly, he looked harmless. she was noisy, he was silent. she was hitting him -- his face, his chest, his arms; he received her slaps and blows calmly. he flinched once or twice but that was all he did. he never tried to dodge nor to ward off her blows. he did not try to calm her. he did not try to keep some distance between them either. he stayed by her side as she shouted at him and hit him hard some more -- he seemed to be her all-enduring, breathing, yielding punching bag.

no, it wasn't a shooting for some teleserye or movie -- it was real and it happened in a very public place. it was a disturbing sight and the people around them were the ones embarrassed for them -- i was one of those people. although i tried not to take a second look, i wasn't really that successful. she was creating such a ruckus, it was impossible not to notice and be curious of what was going on between him and her.

see, the scene was far from cute. it was clear that she was not hitting him in a playful manner. she was hitting him with the intention to hurt, and he simply received the slaps and blows coming from her... like a strangled helpless puppy.

"weird people," was what i thought as i moved away from the scene.

i don't know why she had to be furious with him. we can only guess, right? whatever the reason, the show was distasteful. for that, i think they deserved to be berated -- her, for the public display of violence, and him, for his apparent lack of self-respect and self-preservation. i'm not saying he should have hit her back -- oh no, oh no! but he should have at least done something.

anyway, i don't know how it all ended... who knows? maybe he did hit her back after all. erkkk!

six days, six photos

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.
--James Openheim

say hi to some of the cute pairs of socks for my happy feet!

cards and colors

The artist's world is limitless. It can be found anywhere, far from where he lives or a few feet away.
It is always on his doorstep.
--Paul Strand

last week, i had to make these two cards for my labmate who celebrated her birthday last august 23. although i was asked to do the task on ultra-short notice, i gamely grabbed an ordinary short folder from the nearby store, paid for it and brought it to the lab where i cut it into two. then, 22-year old me went back to who i was before i became a full-fledged nerd (ha ha!) -- the "old school" artist. voila!
in the process, i found out that my 64-color Crayola crayon set (which was bought many months ago but was never opened until last week) has purple mountain's majesty.

has whaaaaat?

last week's "my discovery of the week": purple mountain's majesty. it's a name of a color and it's the most outlandish crayon color name i've ever heard and known! tsk. there's mauvelous, tumbleweed, wisteria, timberwolf, bittersweet, periwinkle, orchid, cornflower, dandelion, tickle me pink, asparagus, granny smith apple, macaroni and cheese, cerulean, robin's egg blue, golden rod, and chestnut, but, for me, nothing beats the name purple mountain's majesty. what can i say? it's... outlandish!!!

purple mountain's majesty. sounds like kalokohan, right? abaniko ought to add it to his list of weird-sounding color names.