not yet

"No one understands that you have given everything.
You must give more."
--Antonio Porchia

after all the days and hours of devoting much of my waking time to it, after taking a self-imposed (though not necessary) leave from blogging, after giving in to a more erratic sleeping and waking schedule so i could pour my heart into it, with all the mental excitement and all the butterflies i felt (and still feel) fluttering in my stomach everytime i think about it...

i'm taking a break from my thesis and i'm taking this time to swing back to blogging. i deserve this breather.

my databank is complete, my draft is almost done and my mantra is still "thesis my quest... to follow that star" BUT i have decided that i won't be defending my thesis at the end of this month.

laziness?

one of my labmates thought i was merely succumbing to laziness when i informed him about forgoing my thesis defense and, hence, my graduation from the master's program we're enrolled in. when he saw what i have written for the results and discussion part of my work, he took back his friendly-but-jabbing accusation. instead, he commented that i have written and presented enough and that i should turn my draft in.

naaaaaaah... a-yo-ko
the O.C. in me is not yet satisfied with what i have in my draft so far and my adviser knows and understands this. i did not wait for a year for my thesis to materialize only to submit a rushed manuscript that i'm not sure i could be proud of in the end. i'd rather wait awhile again and take the time to polish my work than turn in something i personally consider substandard, no matter how others will label it satisfactory. i'm living up to my own expectations. there is no way i'm going to disappoint myself by settling for less.

yes, i'd still be around here by summer and (since my adviser will be out during the entire month of may) perhaps 'til the next first semester. this is OK with me. i've been told that i still won't be burdening my parents with my would-be expenses because i won't be left to simply bum around.

"most likely, you'll defend in summer or, if not, then, in the first semester. don't worry. if you'll have to wait that long, you'll still be part of the project and be doing other things."

whatever happens to whatever remains of my timetable here, i'll make the most out of it. hey, i'm gunning for a defense in summer. wish me luck!

now, that i'm back, don't i deserve to be greeted 'welcome back to blogging'? *winks* or maybe i wasn't missed at all. oh, if that is so, please allow me my brat rights and say you miss me, puhleez.