excerpts of a great conversation

"Happy talk, keep talking happy talk
Talk about things you like to do
You got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true?"
-- from the song, Happy Talk

i recently had a meaty conversation with a good friend via yahoo! messenger. my friend and i are kindred souls, our conversation spontaneously flowed and progressed from the mere "hey, how are you?" stuff to "more" stuff. we're both aware that it's one of the best we've had and we're sharing it with you.

the following are excerpts from our rather lengthy chat log, presented in chronological order. read on...

ON PATIENCEme: ... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE SO I'LL JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT...
me: i just want to get lost... even for just a while
friend: not because you suddenly want to throw everything out the window but primarily because you cant
friend: hell yes me too
me: and im NOT patient...
me: patience is something i'm still starting to learn...
me: heheheheheheh...
friend: (you very well know, im not at all patient myself)
friend: whoever said that patience is a virtue is a dumbo
friend: damn it. thats a lot of misinterpretation about lifes truths! i swear
friend: patience is not a virtue at all it sucks! hahaha
me: PATIENCE is a test, thank you
ON TAKING A WALK & HAVING A GOOD TIME
friend: val, i wish we're together right now
friend: i would have asked you to go out for a walk
me: then we'll dream of what food we want to just pop out from nowhere....
friend: i need a walk... with somebody who understands physics
me: and then, we'll pick out our own stars straight from the sky
friend: because i certainly cant understand life's force and motion right now!
me: i'll make wishes, i won't tell you about them...
friend: hahaha
me: you'll get back at me by making your own wishes and not telling me about themfriend: (yes, what would you want to eat?)
me: isaw and balut...
friend: oh i want to drink some beer right now
me: harharhar... me? i'll settle for tequila
friend: me too me too
me: that or calamansi juice... hahahaha
friend: settle? me want to get drunk right now, haha
me: i cant afford to get drunk. let's get drunk on holy thursday and friday, hahaha, just joking

ON WANTS & HAVING CHOICES
friend: i want to... i guess i want to be comfortable with not knowing
friend: what about you?
me: i feel like i stopped having the choice. i think i have to live with not knowing.
friend: thats it exactly. the feeling of not having the choice is heartbreaking
me: because we are such brats... WE GOT TO HAVE THE CHOICE
friend: what can be the whole point of being brave and cheerful if you always have to grin and bear it???
friend: yes. intelligent brats. haha
me: i like that... INTELLIGENT BRATS
friend: i'd take that anytime than stupid, patient, humble (its alright not making a choice) people
friend: please i'd like to go through my life with spunk and character and a lot of spitfire in me in tact
me: me too! i want to BURN...
ON PRIDE
me: sometimes i think it's just my pride still holding me together
me: haha, i wanted that to be funny... but it's heartbreakingly funny

REFLECTIONS
friend: putang ina, val-- what have i done? graduate, work sane-ly through placid work
friend: will now earn a sane and placid masters
friend: will teach in a sane and placid place
friend: will eat sane and placid food
friend: before i know it, ill probably die a sane and placid death
me: "placid" is not for people like us
me: we want "placid" only for awhile, for breathers
me: but not "placid" for good
me: im a thrillseeking coward
me: hehehe
friend: yes thats why it is such a tragedy that what we are actually doing are for our lives to be placid
friend: haha, i like that

MORE REFLECTIONS
friend: fooling yourself is the most tragic that you could ever do to it kahit pa, the world will think that its just the most grown up thing to do!
friend: i think that most of what people have called as 'moving on' is actually forgetting
me: ngek! forgetting, like love, cannot be forced. i should know. sa galing ba naman ng memory ko. hindi talaga magiging successful sa kin mag-erase erase ng alaala
friend: and you know, memory is what makes us who we are.. those you forgot, conveniently negates who we are
friend: nagdadrama ako rito e kasi naniniwala ako na there got to be a better way of going through life... yung sana po jesus, hindi ka mabuhay na manloloko ng sarili at ng iba waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
friend: akalain mo yun? ano pa ba naman ang kailangan ko? may work ako, magti-thesis na ako, engaged ako, marami akong kaibigan, mahal namin ni mama ang isat isa pero bakit ganun parang bwaka ng pating something is wrong/missing?
me: ang tawag dyan, quarter life crisis na pwede ng i-shortcut to CRISIS.

ON CONFORMITY & SUCCESS
friend: conformity? even jesus was a revolutionary!
me: He's the model!
friend: kaya nga ang itinuro niya ay compassion at hindi conformity
me: how can people twist things about Him and take them to levels that are way too extreme?
me: i was also gonna write compassion. you beat me to it
me: ewan ko ha, i occasionally get into conflicts with my own parents
me: kasi i have the tendency to think differently from the way they do
friend: hay naku, tell me about that. i talked to mama once about the kind of life that i want tapos parang sabi niya ganun talaga ang buhay: magandang trabaho, magandang pamilya
me: di ba, dati ko nang sinasabi sa yo... i hate what the society expects from me, from you, from us...
friend: yes
friend: kaya nga favorite natin ang isat isa e, haha
friend: kasi nga di ba, magdrama ka ng ganito, sasabihin sayo ng ibang tao-- bakit ba ang dami mong problema? tapos bibigyan ka ng purpose driven life.
me: i don't like the society's standards for success: high-paying job, big house, nice car, smooth-running career
friend: oh yes and i dont like that i'm actually being made to think that those things are necessary or basic for that matter
friend: na kung iisipin mo, yun actually ang tatali sa yo e? mga ilang prinsipyo naman ang kailangan mong kalimutan?
me: kasi pagwala ka ng mga nun, iisipin nila, napaka-loser mo naman... nagka-honors ka pa't lahat, hindi ka naman yumaman!
friend: exactly kainis nga e
me: well, isa lang talaga retort ko jan: BUWISIT! ang babaw ng batayan nyo ng success!
friend: alam mo, hahanapan ka talaga niyan. ako sasabihin ko: ang pangit mo, bye
me: alam ko hahanapan at hahanapan ako, pero pagmeron akong mapamukha sa kanilang ganyan, sana buo pa ang kaluluwa ko at may maipakita akong HIGIT pa sa lahat-lahat ng yun... kumbaga, magmumukhang bonus lang sila
me: di ba sabi ko dati, masasabi ko lang na successful ako if there's at least one life i've truly touched.
friend: ako its enough for me na makarating ako sa level na kaya kong isipin at panindigan na conventional measures of success suck
me: yung tipong mismo ako, wala akong doubts na napabuti nga yung tao, at pati yung taong yun wala rin siyang doubts na napabuti nga siya at yun din gagawin niya...
friend: and that i should know! kasi i have met the unconventional measures of success
friend: and these unconventional successes are well worth my 'poverty' as the world would call it and well worth the pain i had to endure just because i fell in love with the stars and everything else essential but not easily seen
friend: hay salamat ha? now m feeling better. whew

ON HAVING "SUCCESS" & BEING STUPID
me: hanggang ngayon lagi ko pa ring naiisip yung: no amount of worldly success could ever compensate for a failure in the family. o nga naman
me: hayaan mo silang maghabol sa pera, basta tayo... we're after our own measures of success
friend: what would failure in the family mean?
me: kunyari, may pera ka nga, pero ang mga taong gusto mong pag-alayan ng mga mabibili mo, oras mo ang pinakagusto... at dahil tanga ka, kung ano pa ang pinaka-kailangan nila, yun pa ang di mo maibigay
me: mayaman ka nga... yung anak mo naman galit sa yo kasi wala kang oras
friend: at wala kang maiturong matino sa kanila wala ka ring matinong masabime: kunyari, malaki nga bahay mo, wala namang nakatira kasi lahat di makahinga pag andyan ka
friend: josko yan na ang pinakamalungkot na pwedeng mangyari sa yome: kunyari, may sasakyan ka nga, kulang naman pasahero mo, or wala ka talagang pasahero kasi iniwanan ka na nilafriend: or di ka marunong mag-drive, hahame: hahaha...friend: hoy keep this conversation ha?me: yepfriend: it's one of the best we've hadme: yes, start pa lang alam ko maganda tong conversation na tofriend: yun na talaga yun... ang maging tanga, di mo alam na tanga ka pala
me: binenta mo pa kaluluwa mo, lugi ka naman sa kapalit
friend: spoken like a true blue unadulterated intelligent brat hahahame: tama, yun ang pinaka-indicator ng katangahan, yung di mo alam na tanga ka
friend: or the fact na inisip mo na kikita ka kapag binenta mo ang kaluluwa mo. josko, hindi pwedeng ibenta yun
friend: tanga ka ba, na isipin na pwede mo siyang ibenta?friend: yes kaya nga tanga e, hehehehehefriend: yun tanga na alam niyang tanga siya, nagmamaganda lang yun. matalino talaga siya sa totoong buhay
me: eh kung matalino siya, ba't sya tanga?friend: ganun talaga. ibig sabihin nun, he was fool enough to explore, to want answers
friend: thats what intelligence is! the desire to explore, to find answers! kasi what you know, what is to be known changes eme: hindi siya tanga, nagtatangatangahan lang... para may challenge ang buhay nya... parang tayo yun ah!
me: hahahafriend: kaya nga marami tayong problema efriend: challenges daw ofriend: my god, epiphany ito!

ON MAKING THINGS COMPLICATED
me: hay ilang beses na akong naakusahang mahilig magcomplicate ng mga bagay-bagay ha, ouch yun
friend: me too minsan nga naniniwala pa ako
me: ako din... ako mismo, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko, mahilig nga ako magcomplicate ng mga bagay-bagay... eh sa ganun talaga ako mag-isip
me: mababago ko ba yun, kung pinanganak talaga akong ganun? bata pa ako, ganun na ako eh
friend: so dapat talaga we are strong enough to weather the storms that we create. we should work on our strength ba kasi nga theres no way we'll ever stop complicating things
me: eh kasi naman, sa kakaisip ko ng mga mas complicated, mas nahahasa pag-iisip ko
friend: yes hence the word... intelligent
me: intelligent brats?
friend: yes also that
me: witty somebodies
friend: pesky
me: heheh

ON OTHER THINGS
friend: hoy got to go. thanks ha? we'll watch Tristan and Isolde ha? promise!
me: yes
friend: bonding natin yan. wag mong papanoorin ahead of me ha. i wouldnt want to be seating next to you tapos know it all ka na. aapakan ko paa mo
me: hindi nga. manhid na ako, baka kala mo. LOLz
friend: ha? aay oo nga pala natutulog ka nga palang nakapatong sa mga paa mo :D yogi
me: sipain mo pa ako, wala akong mararamdaman kasi manhid ako, LOLz
friend: kasi nga mataas ang endurance mo. ikaw nang nagyoyoga, habang natutulog
me: hehehe... san ka makakahanap ng tulad ko?
friend: i have no idea
me: ako rin, pag may makilala akong tulad ko, considered annihilated agad yun... ayoko ng kompetensya, hahaha
friend: me too
friend: kaya nga ako mag-isang anak lang e haha
me: hahahha... siguro, bago ka lumabas, nilason mo tiyan ng mama mo
friend: thats funny
friend: haha ako yung nakalabas e. the rest, hindi sila nagsurvive
me: biruin mo, di ka pa lumabas, alam mo na na ayaw mo na may kompetensya ka
friend: ganun talaga
me: ang galing mo naman... ako, sadyang palaban lang talaga lahi namin... kaya lahat kami nagsurvive hehe
friend: oh siya siya. good night, yogi
me: good night... grabe ang witty natin
friend: talagang imention ba?
me: ikaw lang tumatawag sa akin niyan ah ikaw lang yata naka-appreciate hahahahah
friend: syempre
friend: yogi, haha. ay gusto ko rin ng pangalan, haha, ang bratty
me: mag-iisip pa ako ng pangalan mo
friend: gandahan mo ha. yung singganda ng yogi. haha, bye bye
me: ingatz, goodnight
friend: kumusta naman ako ano? puro reklamo kanina gagawin din pala ang mga dapat gawin
me: well, what else is new?
friend: wala, haha, e sabi mo think what you want, do what you must e.