pabaon | my 8-year old end-of-october mover is over

"I've always been in love with you (always with you)
I guess you've always known it's true (you know it's true)
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye"
-- from Madonna's Take a Bow

with renewing of the mind comes letting go of unnecessary drag from the past. i am standing on more stable ground now and able to count on that certain brand of confidence i thought i didn't have.

for a time, i stopped writing about that sad feeling that's been nagging me like unwanted shadow since the latter part of 2005. i tried to bury it deep in the archives of my mind, celebrating the happiness that preceded it and the happiness i get from everything else in my life -- because i am capable. the situation, i soon was able to forgive. what i found difficult was forgiving myself.

i had to learn pushing my EQ to the level of my IQ. i invested on that and began to see with brand-new appreciation the fruits of my efforts. see, i was never really able to forgive myself -- only now (and by conscious decision, like forgiving should be!)

i am now a willing student of change. i shall not look into my old notes and old notebooks anymore. it's pruning (and may i add purging?) time.

with me, a clean slate, a full heart -- "whatever way our stories end".

read the lyrics of this song -- For Good -- for a happy goodbye.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

i got the lyrics from one of the emails that i saw in my gmail inbox today (timely!)