"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Saturday, November 18, 2006

the month-long countdown

"A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving."
-- Albert Einstein

Lilypie Baby Ticker

let me begin this post with recent manifestations of my halfwit-ty tendencies:

"i deserve to dream because i sleep a lot."

"i like you because i like me."

...at, dear people, ito ang pinakamatindi...

"yung bata ngang kinain ng buwaya di natin pinatay, yung buwaya pa kaya?"

i was not drunk when i said that, bangag lang talaga.

weeeeeee!!! i'm turning 24 soon.

at 23, i feel quite accomplished yet i still desire to do more. there's still a lot to conquer out there and, well, things have just begun for me, so to speak.

yesterday, i finally saw the hard-bound form of my master's thesis and i felt proud of myself. i also went out last night for another let's paint session and, yes, i also felt proud of myself because of that.

i chose a bigger block of plaster to paint on this time. pictures? sure i'll be sharing them with you all soon, let me just find the time to transfer the photo files from my phone to the computer. for now, i'll just share that the block had a fruity design. the table of fruits reminded me of my first few successful painting sessions with my art mentor back in 1989 -- a long, long time ago. i managed to transform the all-white block into something very colorful and yummy to the eyes!

11.27.06 update: transformation of my new block

haaay, i used to draw and paint a lot when i was still a wee youngling (as if i really went through that phase of being oh-soooooo wee, hehe). my mother saw my fascination for the colors and clear interest in doing art during my early years, so she enrolled me in a summer art workshop. the school year after that and during the years that followed, i continued pursuing my art by spending a lot of my after-school time with an art mentor. i was made to join art contests and it couldn't be helped that i emerged champion in some (haha, ang angas ba?). i could say that the highlight of my grade school years was my romance with art. i liked going up the school stage during recognition ceremonies because of the artist of the year award. belonging to the top 5 of the class was just another reward.

art unfortunately took the backseat during my high school years. don't ask me why, it just happened. my ventures into visual arts around that time only surfaced in the form of projects and as hastily-drawn backgrounds for our plays. i ceased showing up at my mentor's place; i also ceased being inspired enough to join art competitions. looking back, it was a pity that i pursued other (probably lesser?) interests. i don't know, maybe it's just how things were meant to be.

when i got out from college, i told myself i'd get back to my art. my attempts in that direction have not really been full-hearted, however. sure, i've gone back to having art outputs but they only come at intervals of several months... and most often, i'm not quite satisfied with them. but then maybe i'm just expecting from myself too much.

it's been awhile since i last painted and actually enjoyed my painting output. so now here's hoping you would understand just how happy i felt when i saw how my latest painting session turned out. heaven. i really felt proud.

you know what's the idea playing in my mind? i'd love to mentor kids to paint during our common spare time... for free! i imagine it would be fun and really rewarding!

back to my turning 24. soon.

i'm sure one of the things that would come to my close friends' minds when they come across this article would be somewhere along these lines:

"you're turning 24! didn't you say you're getting married at 24??!
so what now???"

haaaay. that's one dream of mine that i knew will go pffft but dreamt of, nevertheless. dreaming is free, right? dreaming is free alright but reality has a price. i can't even completely take care of myself. can any other excuse top that? haha, do i hear you mumbling "excuses! excuses!"?

speaking of dreams, there's another dream that will not be made real.

didn't jory, sealdi, and i plan on reaching batanes before we turn 24? here's the update: jory and sealdi already turned 24, jory is in new york now, and i'm soon turning 24 but WE haven't gone to batanes!!! i was hoping i could have that "batanes before my 24th birthday" dream -- batanes being my dream destination and all -- but... i just know that current circumstances won't permit me. a trip to batanes would cost me more than what i can currently afford. plus, my time's being eaten up by things that i still have to deal with. there will surely be another time. as my travel buddy would say, 'timing is everything'. aight, timing is important -- that's my take on timing, by the way.

i feel i'm starting to be a little more responsible now. with that, i also get to realize that i have so many fears, after all. but i don't wanna discuss my fears with y'all now. not a lot of people are privy to them and most, i plan to keep only to myself... for now.

oh, i've been checking out cars lately. i've been thinking of owning them EVENTHOUGH I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY ANY OF THEM AND I DON'T DRIVE. it's just that they're my new idea of toys. i'm talking about real cars and NOT toy cars. gowsh, what's happening to me? oh well. oh well. oh well!


  1. its about time. welcome to the real world? or rather, welcome back? hehehe :p

  2. the older people get, the more compromises they make with their dreams, i guess.


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