"a caterpillar doesn't just grow into a butterfly. a caterpillar must undergo metamorphosis, and a cocoon is where a caterpillar risks it all: enters total chaos, undergoes total rebuilding, and is born to a new way of living. only in taking the risk of entering that inert cocoon can the caterpillar go from dormancy to potency, from ugliness to beauty."

Thursday, May 24, 2007

big tree

nope, not this tree the bus came to a stop. through the bus window, i saw this big old tree which really fascinated me. it looked like acacia but it also looked like mahogany. i'm not sure which of the two it really was, but it was standing tall, imposing, and attractive. i felt it would be good to climb it. i thought, "the tree's mine if i could reach the first big branch. i could claim it as my own."

i set out to climb the big old tree. this, despite the fact that my tree-climbing experiences had only been limited to climbing guava, cacao, and talisay trees that don't really grow so tall.

as i started my way up, he -- who must have watched me as i got off the bus and followed -- also started to climb the tree. to each other, we're friends yet we've remained strangers and we climbed in silence. he reached the branch -- my chosen branch -- ahead of me and offered his hand to help me up. the next thing i knew, i was already sitting on my branch and enjoying the sights before me to my heart's delight.

he was there beside me... but to me, it was just me, the spectacular scene that being up on the tree gave me, my branch, and my tree. his presence wasn't getting in the way (even though i felt bad that he beat me to my branch. grrrr). when i sighed -- tired from the climb -- he gave my back a very brief rub. at that moment, even though we're strangers, we're friends. up there on my tree, we shared in silence an atmosphere of comforting strangeness and awkward familiarity.

then the time came for me to go down. he must have sensed it. he made his way down the tree ahead of me. i didn't follow.

although i so wanted to find my way back to the ground, my acrophobia kicked in the moment i looked down and became fully aware of how far i've gone up just to reach my branch.

he was back on the ground, perhaps watching, waiting for my next move, although of this i couldn't be too sure. i was more concerned about my safety. there was no way i could find my way down on my own.

i allowed my voice to break the silence. i called out for help and one of my able-bodied uncles came running. (now don't ask me where my uncle came from -- this was a dream and we all know everything is possible in a dream.) by some twisted stroke of genius, i figured it was easier to jump off from the tree and i only needed someone to catch me. so i jumped off from my spot on the tree and was caught safely by someone who was family. after seeing to it that i was alright, my uncle left, went on his way.

soon, it was just me, him, and my tree again. friends yet strangers standing in silence under the canopy of my tree and surrounded by comforting strangeness and awkward familiarity. i felt happy.

i walked away from the tree and back to the bus. he followed and walked beside me.

as we walked back to the bus together, i thought of what the peculiar smile on his face was trying to say through the silence. i don't know if it was "i was willing to catch you, you could have asked me... but hey, i'm glad you're safe" or "i'm glad you asked somebody else." i realized i don't really know him well. to me, he's a stranger but i also know we're friends.

something in the air told me he claimed ownership of the tree before i did. i wasn't able to pursue this thought though...

...because just as we reached the bus, i woke up.


just a few questions from here on...

what does it mean when one dreams of a big old tree? of climbing a big old tree? of claiming it?

and the bus, does it have significance?

is this a dream worthy of an interpretation? or is this just one of those... uhmmm... inconsequential dreams which my subconscious playfully created for me?

oh well. "goodnight, dear void."

truth be told, i don't have the ability to climb a big old tree without the aid of ropes and ladders. even with ropes and ladders, i know i'd still find it difficult and daunting.


  1. tingala bitaw ko nga nikatkat ka ug acrophobic man diay ka. toink jud. huhu nahan ko mukatkat ug kahoy!!! =)

  2. tingala pud ko ngano nikatkat ko. tapos katingalahan jud nga nakakatkat ko'g ingon adto kataas. murag taymsa ra kaayo. nagpatakag buot-buot nga damgo.

    "nahan ko mukatkat ug kahoy!!!"

    ako pud! nahan pud ko... pero kanang ubos lang na kahoy kay mao ra man kaya sa akong real powers. hehe.

  3. i have to admit that the presence of the guy in the dream freaked me a bit.

    but i liked the part where he always went ahead of you and that you somewhat ignored him most of the time and especially the part where you just decided to let go.

  4. hey, he's somebody i like so his presence in the dream didn't freak me, hehe. pero awkward.

  5. "big tree" mahadluk jud ko ani. hehehe.

    btw, thanks caterpillar for dropping by my blog medjo ulaw ko kay karon pko nkabantay naa ko inapt word in my recent post ug na wrong ug spell. hehehe. wako kabantay basta raman gud ko mkapost. hehehe. anyway, how's your summer?

  6. hadlok ka sa "big tree" itself or "big tree" the dream or both? ako kay puzzled lang.

    you're welcome. i must have been way glad that you're back to blogging and that you've had wonderful summer trips despite your unfortunate encounter with the jellyfish; i didn't notice the inapt/misspelled word in your latest entry. lapses really happen -- can't be helped, i guess. i sometimes read the posts i've written long ago and nyerks i get to see the lapses i didn't notice before.

    summer's fun.

  7. i dunno what dreams are about.

    you shoud've climbed to the second branch ang chopped off his branch. that way you reclaim you tree. wahhihihih.

  8. oo nga noh? or i could have just pushed him off. wahihihi. :LOL: now, why didn't i do that?

    kasi bad and magiging sad lang din ako...

    or worse, baka mabiktima ako ng instant karma, ako pa ang mahulog. mas sad.

    AND, ang DA BEST answer sa lahat, di lang talaga sumagi sa isip ko.


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